The past three days have been a 'long' weekend from Reed; which I've seen a little bit of a mix of school, work, prison, purgatory, hell, and a work focussed training course for employment help.
On saturday, I managed to meet up with an old school friend who is doing very well. We went to a festival called the 'Camden Crawl' which is, in camden. We went to see lots of bands and some comedy. We saw a grime act, some ska, and other things that defy classification. It was a freakishly unfamiliar mix of ecclecticism and genre benders (they are like gender benders but musically speaking).
Yesterday (Sunday) I went to see Iron Man 2 with a friend, then went home. I wanted to see my brother at a gig; but I was too tired. I also was meant to go jogging. Did I also mention that the past weekend was raining a lot? Oh, well, it was, and I got wet.
Today we had a barbeque at the house; all of the family came over. It was fairly uneventful, in fact; I had a 4-5 hour nap after eating. I ate a shitload today, and it is simply, unnacceptable. I've also taken like 10 laxative pills today. Maybe they will cause weight loss; maybe not.
The questions I hate being asked reflect of the issues I'm most insecure about. I'm still unemployed, I'm still poor; I'm still single; I'm still living with my parents; and I'm still fat.
Needless to say, or perhaps I need to; Mia has come into my thoughts lately. The worst part of losing control of my eating is that I feel no control over my life. I feel all this bitter resentment and jealousy and negativity growing within me; and I just want to let go of it. I just want to get on with my life; apply to things, get lucky. Make a life for myself.
Is that too much to ask?
It is, it seems. I seem to be losing everything. My sanity is eroding as my weight goes up and my control goes down. It seems like Mia is the only sanity I have. No I haven't purged this weekend.
I feel like a failure.
I like a challenge, too.
On saturday, I managed to meet up with an old school friend who is doing very well. We went to a festival called the 'Camden Crawl' which is, in camden. We went to see lots of bands and some comedy. We saw a grime act, some ska, and other things that defy classification. It was a freakishly unfamiliar mix of ecclecticism and genre benders (they are like gender benders but musically speaking).
Yesterday (Sunday) I went to see Iron Man 2 with a friend, then went home. I wanted to see my brother at a gig; but I was too tired. I also was meant to go jogging. Did I also mention that the past weekend was raining a lot? Oh, well, it was, and I got wet.
Today we had a barbeque at the house; all of the family came over. It was fairly uneventful, in fact; I had a 4-5 hour nap after eating. I ate a shitload today, and it is simply, unnacceptable. I've also taken like 10 laxative pills today. Maybe they will cause weight loss; maybe not.
The questions I hate being asked reflect of the issues I'm most insecure about. I'm still unemployed, I'm still poor; I'm still single; I'm still living with my parents; and I'm still fat.
Needless to say, or perhaps I need to; Mia has come into my thoughts lately. The worst part of losing control of my eating is that I feel no control over my life. I feel all this bitter resentment and jealousy and negativity growing within me; and I just want to let go of it. I just want to get on with my life; apply to things, get lucky. Make a life for myself.
Is that too much to ask?
It is, it seems. I seem to be losing everything. My sanity is eroding as my weight goes up and my control goes down. It seems like Mia is the only sanity I have. No I haven't purged this weekend.
I feel like a failure.
I like a challenge, too.
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