The "things just aren't working attitude"

Dear Diary,

This is the moment when I say to myself: FUCK.

I'm very low in funds right now. If anything I can't afford to make ends meet. I have been paid for last month and I've just realised how few shifts I had. Although I worked 4 shifts last month, two of which were on short notice; I'm still going to be broke. This is a terrible situation and its not in my control. My first reaction to this news was of a passive calm, something to the effect of: I'm going to keep calm and somehow this will work itself out.

This unfounded belief is all that I can base positive feelings from. I am going to weigh myself and then decide if breakfast is a good idea. Perhaps then I'll get on with the schedule. I feel so utterly fucked and stressed out, that I'm not sure how I can resolve things. I can have an attitude of "things just aren't working" and I suspect it won't help me be positive, or I can take little solace in the few positives that I do have, even while acknowleding its shit. If I think "things just aren't working" I'm going to take it out on myself by eating more. I don't want to do that.

My first thoughts when I woke up this morning were that this new weight loss I've had in recent days is a sign, its a sign that I'm starting to believe in something important again. It's a sign that I am working towards some higher goal and that I'm starting to believe in some higher goal, instead of being in my own head,I am able to take a distance from myself and take a distance from my temptations, or desire to purge. I definately want to go training today, although perhaps I'll just deal with one thing at a time:

Measure weight
Decide to eat
Schedule tasks

Keep it simple.