I haven't fully run out of credit

Dear Diary, I have a distinct feeling that my emotions are slowly trnasparent to myself. In addition, what I'm feeling is some kind of anger, exasperation and oddly enough anxious frustration. It would feel weird that anxiety would cause a sense of anger, I guess because I turn it in on myself and it makes me reflect on my inadequacies. I have decided my outfit for the rest of the day, it's simple but perhaps effective. I really need to go to the gym next week. I have so much to do, it seems. Not least the book review that is overdue now. So today is another session at the Camden Crawl. I do not know what to feel or think. My parents were having an argument downstairs. My dad refuses to take any responsibility for his actions, and gets terribly defensive, and my mum is trying very hard to make things work. Maybe every couple has their problems. Even being in proximity to them is giving me influence on my character. I miss the person I used to be with mia, mia gave me distance and critical focus to be apart from the riffraff of normalcy. Now I am a part of it, not even normalcy, the failure to achieve the latter: mediocrity. Everything about my outlook has been corrupted. I have imbibed the cup of failure and it has inebriated me. I wish I could be successful,with a decent income and with a life that isn't pathetic or that i have to justify myself to others. I feel a sense of fatigue. Not necessarily a distinctly physical fatigue (for I feel fairly awake, and that breakfast and shower definately perked me up), but more a mental one, a weariness that makes me want to escape. Towards the end of the Camden Crawl I was listening to an act called Ghost Poet and some of the lyrics concerned a certain sense of disillusionment. since the crowd was so large, I didn't need to pretend to have a great time, although I was fairly pleased. I just put my head down and closed my eyes, a plaintive and mellow introspection to counter my extreme fatigue at that moment. I'm not quite sure if I'll make all of it today. I feel pretty tired and also very worn down. I am glad that I still have a friend who is willing to do things with me. I haven't fully run out of credit for everything.