Yesterday I was 224.4lbs, today I'm 226lbs. It feels weird that I'm juding myself by my weight. I guess that's how the rest of the world thinks. So, lets consider the past day.
Yesterday I went to the job centre, and then I made another request to backdate my JSA claim. I thought this will be the last of my persistence. I had to fill out a paper form, and I hate paper forms. I then jogged home. That seemed to be the death blow of sorts, because I got suddenly tired. I had to sleep for a couple of hours as my concentration was shot, and my body felt exhausted, especially in my chest. After waking up, I felt quite groggy. In addition, I woke up knowing that I wanted to go out to a pub quiz. I did.
I felt a little inadequate after the pub quiz, we didn't lose too badly, although we were not the winners. I felt a bit down, mainly cos I was unemployed and tubby. On the way home, I was tempted by fast food. I gave into my binge tendencies and I ate 150g of bacon rasher crisps. For a brief moment, I was in paradise. The bag was so big and cheap, and fewer calories than a big KFC meal. It was still bad calories and I paid for it this morning.
I woke up late this morning, in the knowledge that I gained this weight. I also knew that I had an exceptionally large backlog of tasks to follow up today, as well as another few tasks I will easily forget. I'm afraid to log them into my calendar because I will be inundated. Google reader is also piling a lot of articles. In the news, there have been a few articles on the class of 2010 graduates who are having an impossible time to find jobs.
FUCK!! So not only do I have to compete with the class of 2008 and 2009, I have 2010 graduates to compete with for jobs. I am fucking fuckeddy fucked. At this rate, I might as well just work in retail and go to the cinema and pub and live a some normal life like the mates I went to see last night. I HATE the drudgery of everyday life and I thought that I could have elevated myself to be something, and someone better. I must oppose this normalising and depressing tendency and shine again. My defiance will be my virtue.
I am also thinking about counselling and support. I've logged in some tasks to examine help and resources for my mia problem. Purging seems to be a nice stopgap, but I know that it isn't the right way to solve my problems. However, the right way is much more complicated and difficult than the glamour of turning inward. What I really would appreciate is having someone to talk to, someone I can talk to without putting on a mask.
I feel good about writing this post because I am speaking the words as I am typing them, and it seems to be much more humanised when I type like this. Also, Money is low. Hopefully thursday can solve that problem. Oh, and I want to cut my hair, just a little bit shorter.
Ah, that was cathartic,.
Yesterday I went to the job centre, and then I made another request to backdate my JSA claim. I thought this will be the last of my persistence. I had to fill out a paper form, and I hate paper forms. I then jogged home. That seemed to be the death blow of sorts, because I got suddenly tired. I had to sleep for a couple of hours as my concentration was shot, and my body felt exhausted, especially in my chest. After waking up, I felt quite groggy. In addition, I woke up knowing that I wanted to go out to a pub quiz. I did.
I felt a little inadequate after the pub quiz, we didn't lose too badly, although we were not the winners. I felt a bit down, mainly cos I was unemployed and tubby. On the way home, I was tempted by fast food. I gave into my binge tendencies and I ate 150g of bacon rasher crisps. For a brief moment, I was in paradise. The bag was so big and cheap, and fewer calories than a big KFC meal. It was still bad calories and I paid for it this morning.
I woke up late this morning, in the knowledge that I gained this weight. I also knew that I had an exceptionally large backlog of tasks to follow up today, as well as another few tasks I will easily forget. I'm afraid to log them into my calendar because I will be inundated. Google reader is also piling a lot of articles. In the news, there have been a few articles on the class of 2010 graduates who are having an impossible time to find jobs.
FUCK!! So not only do I have to compete with the class of 2008 and 2009, I have 2010 graduates to compete with for jobs. I am fucking fuckeddy fucked. At this rate, I might as well just work in retail and go to the cinema and pub and live a some normal life like the mates I went to see last night. I HATE the drudgery of everyday life and I thought that I could have elevated myself to be something, and someone better. I must oppose this normalising and depressing tendency and shine again. My defiance will be my virtue.
I am also thinking about counselling and support. I've logged in some tasks to examine help and resources for my mia problem. Purging seems to be a nice stopgap, but I know that it isn't the right way to solve my problems. However, the right way is much more complicated and difficult than the glamour of turning inward. What I really would appreciate is having someone to talk to, someone I can talk to without putting on a mask.
I feel good about writing this post because I am speaking the words as I am typing them, and it seems to be much more humanised when I type like this. Also, Money is low. Hopefully thursday can solve that problem. Oh, and I want to cut my hair, just a little bit shorter.
Ah, that was cathartic,.
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