I had a pretty horrid nightmare. My ex used to have nightmares, and Iused to be there to comfort her when she woke up. I'm not there anymore, and neither is she. I'm on my own, again.
A friend suggested a certain social network to join. I did, although I hope that it does not become a time hole.
Today I went for a jog. I went for about 45-60 minutes. I went 4.6k and I really pushed it beyond my normal limits. I stopped a few times, I admit. I didn't go as consistently as my mates whom I had been jogging with. I did feel a bit better. I had a second wind as I was jogging, and then a third, and then, on the last stretch, I went all out and sprinted, I also screamed a bit. I think now, perhaps that wasn't appropriate or necessary. I scared an old lady, and there was this other, buff guy who was fitter than I. That makes me not entitled to scream as if I'm giving it my all. My forarms quite hurt and I did a fair bit of ab excercises.
I feel quite fresh after having a shower and changing into clean, fresh clothes. I feel a sense of energy and endurance in my body after a long haul like that. I suppose that's where the second wind comes from. I also realised that towards the end, that feeling of more energy is more a psyhological and phenomenological thing, than an actual physical strength being in me. I feel greatl appreciative of my friends taking me out to do that jog. The marsh that I train in is a small pond; I must graduate to bigger ones. As a side point, I've also noticed a lot of older asian men excercising, and wearing very ill-chosen clothes for their training. It seems almost cliche now seeing those men.
When I got back and went through mroe careers links and planning the next few weeks; I found myself considering this situation of the breakup. Perhaps I should, as I have done in the past, 'shut down' certain parts of my thoughts and focuses in order to move on with this difficult situation I am in. I need to feel less, think less, and not to regard that old relationship I had so highly. I need to cut her out in a sense, to move on.
I'm still in a sense of denial.
In other news, I saw a potential PhD opening, it's in belgium, but who knows whether I'll get it or not. Probably not. I'll apply with all my heart anyway. Assume rejection, and then you won't be terribly disappointed. That said, I hated that attitude when I was yuonger. I aspired for success and great achievement. I don't have any oppurtuntiy for that in this present time. It's like I'm taken back to the lack of oppurtunity that my parents were in with university study and middle-class work. It is a full circle of my family. The immortality of social immobility. I should just get my head down more and move forward.
I think that jogging is the only thing I can hold on to. My motivation to play music is also down.
A friend suggested a certain social network to join. I did, although I hope that it does not become a time hole.
Today I went for a jog. I went for about 45-60 minutes. I went 4.6k and I really pushed it beyond my normal limits. I stopped a few times, I admit. I didn't go as consistently as my mates whom I had been jogging with. I did feel a bit better. I had a second wind as I was jogging, and then a third, and then, on the last stretch, I went all out and sprinted, I also screamed a bit. I think now, perhaps that wasn't appropriate or necessary. I scared an old lady, and there was this other, buff guy who was fitter than I. That makes me not entitled to scream as if I'm giving it my all. My forarms quite hurt and I did a fair bit of ab excercises.
I feel quite fresh after having a shower and changing into clean, fresh clothes. I feel a sense of energy and endurance in my body after a long haul like that. I suppose that's where the second wind comes from. I also realised that towards the end, that feeling of more energy is more a psyhological and phenomenological thing, than an actual physical strength being in me. I feel greatl appreciative of my friends taking me out to do that jog. The marsh that I train in is a small pond; I must graduate to bigger ones. As a side point, I've also noticed a lot of older asian men excercising, and wearing very ill-chosen clothes for their training. It seems almost cliche now seeing those men.
When I got back and went through mroe careers links and planning the next few weeks; I found myself considering this situation of the breakup. Perhaps I should, as I have done in the past, 'shut down' certain parts of my thoughts and focuses in order to move on with this difficult situation I am in. I need to feel less, think less, and not to regard that old relationship I had so highly. I need to cut her out in a sense, to move on.
I'm still in a sense of denial.
In other news, I saw a potential PhD opening, it's in belgium, but who knows whether I'll get it or not. Probably not. I'll apply with all my heart anyway. Assume rejection, and then you won't be terribly disappointed. That said, I hated that attitude when I was yuonger. I aspired for success and great achievement. I don't have any oppurtuntiy for that in this present time. It's like I'm taken back to the lack of oppurtunity that my parents were in with university study and middle-class work. It is a full circle of my family. The immortality of social immobility. I should just get my head down more and move forward.
I think that jogging is the only thing I can hold on to. My motivation to play music is also down.
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