Beta blockers

Today I've started Beta Blockers. I am on a medication called Propranolol (I think its called); I think it is helping my anxiety...although the 'feeling' is still there, I don't get the panic feeling of all the day coming as physical effects, the shortness of breath, the loss of concentration, the heart rate going up, and most of all, the feeling of purging goes away with these new drugs...although its only for 3 hours, and I am taking like 5 a day. This shows itself to be a very helpful drug.

I'm kind of angry. I'm angry that it does work. This may surprise you, and it surprises me to admit it. It surprises me that I am admitting this. Why am I angry that the anxiety medication is working?

If the anxiety medication is helping, then things can get better.
If the anxiety medication is helping, then the doctors can help me
If the anxiety medication is helping, then I can improve my life

I'm so stuck in this moment of life where I have the following feeligns so deeply embedded in me:

a. I hate the doctors
b. Life is not going to improve
c. I feel miserable

I'm not used to changes in environment. Even less used to improvement. A lot of my thoughts of late are coming to terms with my new body, but now...a new mind?

I'm scared. I'm scared what this future will mean. Will my depression end? Will everything be alright? Will all my beliefs and pessimism go away? I mean, if that happens maybe that's a good thing, I'm just scared and uncertain of change. Like how things change about Marie going away...