Life during Riots

Dear Diary,

I haven't been up to much lately. I haven't posted much either. If I'm honest, I had been scared for the past couple of days. There's nothing like a shared social experience to give people a sense of identity. So, if I'm reading this years from now I should just say it outright. Since Saturday night, there has been civil disobedience around the country. At first a Riot in Tottenham, London, then lootings the next day. At first it was a demonstration first peaceful then which turned aggressive, the next day it was more that people saw how the police didn't cope as well and attempted to get free stuff. The third day (Monday evening), it got really bad. I could smell the fires from where I lived, looting happened all around the city, and then started in other areas, probably because of 24 hour news media giving people ideas.

Last night it was apparently quiet in London, however, there were riots which were problematic around England. Last night was the first night I got some proper sleep, where I didn't feel as worried. I almost felt like my deepest fears about the world came true on Monday night, the kind of stuff nightmares are made of. Last night however I felt a little bit more detached, It felt comparable to that feeling after a nightmare: it didn't happen, the fear is just in your mind.

I haven't applied to any jobs in a few days. I need to get back to that. I have trained twice this week, which is nice. I had an injury from my knee again. It's better now, but its a not so great.

I'm apprehensive about getting stuff done. Keeping active is the gift that keeps giving, as you keep a routine of it you feel better and keep it up. When I have a change in my routine or a 'leisure' day, that keeps taking time away from me. I feel lazy right now. No one wants to be called lazy, I feel like I could just lay in bed for an hour or so and just get back to it later. I'm not 'tired' though, I was tired on Monday, physiologically tired. I could barely keep it up in the gym, but I still did it. It's not about being weak, it's about being determined.

I wish my dad wasn't so lazy, it affects me in a bad way. It affects me if there are negative people in my life. A generation of kids with bad families who don't look out for them: those riots are what comes from such thoughtless parenting. I hate myself