When I was around 17 I had so many 'certainties' about life. Among other things, one of the certainties or beliefs I had was that in the future some future version of me would be all heroic and special. This future version of me would be just like me in the present (of 2003-4) but loads better, maybe smarter, well read, better social skills and reaching wherever he aspired to.
Perhaps in some twist of fate, I'm nearly on that track of what expectation I used to have, in many other ways I definately am not that person. My adult life has basically consisted of deconstructing (yes in the Derrida sense *sigh*), destroying and reconstructing those assumptions to make some kind of life I can life. Whether I have become that person or not, or will come close to it is entirely accidental. Who I was back then doesn't have as much a conscious impact on me as it did say in 2004-5.
The context of hindsight makes things look smaller than they are. I suppose because so much more has happened since then. Since my last post I've been working on what I call 'playlisting', that is a task of constructing a new playlist after I've finished my old playlist. This previous playlist that recently I completed was made just after xmas and lasted just over 2 months. The playlist I made before then began in May, and then I made a couple of 'supplemental' playlists around September/October I think. This playlist which I am presently creating is shorter than previous lists, perhaps because my rate of consumption is becoming so massive I dont have enough time to accure a huge playlist, which I suppose is a good thing. Its a sign that I'm listening to a massive amount of music. The next playlist consists of:
I'm not sure if I'll go and train tomorrow, I'm pretty tired tonight and I did give myself a good ride today. I also have pretty bad callouses on my palms (perhaps from the rowing machine or the inverse V lat handle). Keeping records as stringently as I do helps me notice changes. My average walking distance per week is between 12-14 miles; my weight has averaged 229lbs the month passed and I've already talked about that 50kcal warmup thing on the treadmill.
Why am I mentioning this droll shit on my diary-blog? Perhaps because I don't have anyone to talk to lately. I have one friend I chat to but normally it involves cock jokes and risque slurs about people. I only really talk to Dobby these days. I've been chatting online to this one girl who seems really nice, a final year social sciences undergrad, but I don't think that spending an hour to read her finals essay (although it was fascinating in the fieldwork and her theoretical suggestions) counts as flirting. Perhaps I've done too much today to properly think about the deep stuff. But I do need to think about the deep stuff more (maybe I'll shedule it).
P.S.
Has anyone noticed how I've undertaken the stylistic feature of using my last sentence to name the post? I am breaking the fourth wall writing this. Im a meta meta writer. Maybe saying that makes me a meta meta meta writer. I have a headache.
Perhaps in some twist of fate, I'm nearly on that track of what expectation I used to have, in many other ways I definately am not that person. My adult life has basically consisted of deconstructing (yes in the Derrida sense *sigh*), destroying and reconstructing those assumptions to make some kind of life I can life. Whether I have become that person or not, or will come close to it is entirely accidental. Who I was back then doesn't have as much a conscious impact on me as it did say in 2004-5.
The context of hindsight makes things look smaller than they are. I suppose because so much more has happened since then. Since my last post I've been working on what I call 'playlisting', that is a task of constructing a new playlist after I've finished my old playlist. This previous playlist that recently I completed was made just after xmas and lasted just over 2 months. The playlist I made before then began in May, and then I made a couple of 'supplemental' playlists around September/October I think. This playlist which I am presently creating is shorter than previous lists, perhaps because my rate of consumption is becoming so massive I dont have enough time to accure a huge playlist, which I suppose is a good thing. Its a sign that I'm listening to a massive amount of music. The next playlist consists of:
- Indie/alternative
- Pop
- Various genres of heavy metal
- A bit of black metal
- A lot of Depressive and Suicidal Black Metal
- Some Wagner Operi/operas (is that the plural of opera?)
- A lot of Renaissance period music
- A bit of Jazz
- A bit of Gothic/ebm/futurepop
- A significant amount of Dubstep, this is a new genre to me. Being a londoner I should by birthright know what this is about.
I'm not sure if I'll go and train tomorrow, I'm pretty tired tonight and I did give myself a good ride today. I also have pretty bad callouses on my palms (perhaps from the rowing machine or the inverse V lat handle). Keeping records as stringently as I do helps me notice changes. My average walking distance per week is between 12-14 miles; my weight has averaged 229lbs the month passed and I've already talked about that 50kcal warmup thing on the treadmill.
Why am I mentioning this droll shit on my diary-blog? Perhaps because I don't have anyone to talk to lately. I have one friend I chat to but normally it involves cock jokes and risque slurs about people. I only really talk to Dobby these days. I've been chatting online to this one girl who seems really nice, a final year social sciences undergrad, but I don't think that spending an hour to read her finals essay (although it was fascinating in the fieldwork and her theoretical suggestions) counts as flirting. Perhaps I've done too much today to properly think about the deep stuff. But I do need to think about the deep stuff more (maybe I'll shedule it).
P.S.
Has anyone noticed how I've undertaken the stylistic feature of using my last sentence to name the post? I am breaking the fourth wall writing this. Im a meta meta writer. Maybe saying that makes me a meta meta meta writer. I have a headache.
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