catching my breath

Dear Diary,

Thinkgs are moving too fast emotionally, either that, or I'm feeling overwhelmed. In a single gesture, my mood has utterly transformed and my outlook on life. Wittgenstein once said: the difference between a happy and a sad man is not a difference in outlook but a difference in their world. I'm still debating to myself a great many different modalities for today. Do I:

• Go straight home after the memorial service
• Go to Camden after the memorial service (which has the following genii :)
  
• Go to Camden after the memorial service and invite Nadia
• Go to Camden after the memorial service and invite Dobby
• Go somewhere else after the memorial service and invite Dobby
• Go to Camden after the memorial service on my own and see if Sadia is there

It feels so much easier when I write it down, there are 7 modalities and perhaps a whole lot of other unforseen ones, such as if there is a car crash on the way and I don't do either of them.

Perhaps the time is not the best right now to even contemplate things. Its easy to think about the small stuff. Its terrible that the woman whose memorial I'm going to died so young. In a way I'll be glad to see the family and catch up. I'll be glad to be there and show that we are a big family and there's a lot of love for each other. The loss of a parent or a loved one is so inconceivable to me, I just dont know how to comprehend it.

Anyway I better pack my mp3 player.