I'm not feeling right at the moment.
Normally after jogging my concentration goes down, or i feel fatigued. Generally a nap sorts it out. I had a nap, after sending an application (which I realised was rejected after 1.5 hours of appplying). I then watched a couple of episodes of quantum leap, while gorging (but reasonably so, if I don't eat any more today...) and since then I've been in a bit of a stupour.
I realise that it's been quite a while (maybe a month or 1.5 months) since I've been in a real stupour and accompanying it is this feeling of indecision, and emotional inclarity (I know two of those aren't words). I want to talk about quantum leap.
When I was little, I used to watch it, and I really liked it. Now watching it, I feel this comforting feeling of the past and nostalgia (of the 90s) [despite it itself being a nostalgia show]. I like the comforting formulaic nature of the show; introduction to problem, statement of problem; description of solution; hitch; resolution and then leap and 'oh boy'. I was watching two episodes, both upsetting in their own way. One episode was when Sam Beckett (Scott Bakula) was caught in a mental hospital, and there was a lot of ill treatment of the patients there. It reminded me of when I was depressed.
When I was depressed it felt like my own self-narrative viz stream of consciousness was absent. I could only talk of myself, and I can only talk of it now, as an externalised viewer, a third person perspective. Sometimes it felt so bad that it was almost like other people had to come in to fill the gaps. I can't believe I ever let it get so bad. I think those life decisions have their repercussions. You take so many gambles with your life, eventually you start to lose. That's the only way I can describe it. I played russian roulette too many times, you expect to have your brains blown out.
I was chatting to this girl online a few weeks back. She was a depressive. There's something about a depressive girl that brought out so much emotions in me. It brought out feelings that I normally keep hidden, or that I normally do not keep on the level of awareness. Often there are situations in one's life that bring out dispositions normally hidden.
Right now I have that feeling that I used to have when I was depressed; the feeling of being outside of time.
&&&&&&
while typing, I got a call, and my head is totally in a different place now. I've got some news that someone in the family-friend circle has died, a senior man of 90 years. That's totally put my head in a different place right now. Stupour has gone. I just feel sad. may he rest in peace
Normally after jogging my concentration goes down, or i feel fatigued. Generally a nap sorts it out. I had a nap, after sending an application (which I realised was rejected after 1.5 hours of appplying). I then watched a couple of episodes of quantum leap, while gorging (but reasonably so, if I don't eat any more today...) and since then I've been in a bit of a stupour.
I realise that it's been quite a while (maybe a month or 1.5 months) since I've been in a real stupour and accompanying it is this feeling of indecision, and emotional inclarity (I know two of those aren't words). I want to talk about quantum leap.
When I was little, I used to watch it, and I really liked it. Now watching it, I feel this comforting feeling of the past and nostalgia (of the 90s) [despite it itself being a nostalgia show]. I like the comforting formulaic nature of the show; introduction to problem, statement of problem; description of solution; hitch; resolution and then leap and 'oh boy'. I was watching two episodes, both upsetting in their own way. One episode was when Sam Beckett (Scott Bakula) was caught in a mental hospital, and there was a lot of ill treatment of the patients there. It reminded me of when I was depressed.
When I was depressed it felt like my own self-narrative viz stream of consciousness was absent. I could only talk of myself, and I can only talk of it now, as an externalised viewer, a third person perspective. Sometimes it felt so bad that it was almost like other people had to come in to fill the gaps. I can't believe I ever let it get so bad. I think those life decisions have their repercussions. You take so many gambles with your life, eventually you start to lose. That's the only way I can describe it. I played russian roulette too many times, you expect to have your brains blown out.
I was chatting to this girl online a few weeks back. She was a depressive. There's something about a depressive girl that brought out so much emotions in me. It brought out feelings that I normally keep hidden, or that I normally do not keep on the level of awareness. Often there are situations in one's life that bring out dispositions normally hidden.
Right now I have that feeling that I used to have when I was depressed; the feeling of being outside of time.
&&&&&&
while typing, I got a call, and my head is totally in a different place now. I've got some news that someone in the family-friend circle has died, a senior man of 90 years. That's totally put my head in a different place right now. Stupour has gone. I just feel sad. may he rest in peace
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