Self control is the one thing I probably dont have. Purging, I find a struggle to control. Binging, I have lost control of a negative (what not to eat).
Its good to have control; not to binge not to purge. It's bad when you lose control: binging and purging. What of when you binge but do not purge? That's comfort behaviour. What of purging but not binging? That's also pretty bad, and a self-hating behaviour. What of not purging and not binging?
Wha-? Sounds new to me. Not binging is challenging for me.
Last weekend I didn't purge, but I did binge.
Some days I want to purge when I've not eaten much
Many days I find food comforting, similar to masturbating; its an escape where I can get my head out of the real world and enter a world of comfort and pacify my self-hate, until I realise what I've done.
It's fair to say that I had a few triggers this week.
Feelings pass. I should remember that. This morning I felt absolutely exhausted, and then I really needed a shit (laxatives); after spending about 10 minutes in the loo I got my energy back. The cold air raising the hairs on my legs filled me with adrenaline and expectation. The delight of waking up early gave me a further motivation. My motivation is not strong, but I am willing. Today I hope to make something of this day.
I read a bit more from the book for review last night, and I tidied up my wardrobe and sorted out my clothes for the summer in a particular organisational scheme. In addition, I also tidied up some of the tasks over the next week. I have a lot to do, but lets hope for a lot of activity and some catchup this week. As well as some success.
Its good to have control; not to binge not to purge. It's bad when you lose control: binging and purging. What of when you binge but do not purge? That's comfort behaviour. What of purging but not binging? That's also pretty bad, and a self-hating behaviour. What of not purging and not binging?
Wha-? Sounds new to me. Not binging is challenging for me.
Last weekend I didn't purge, but I did binge.
Some days I want to purge when I've not eaten much
Many days I find food comforting, similar to masturbating; its an escape where I can get my head out of the real world and enter a world of comfort and pacify my self-hate, until I realise what I've done.
It's fair to say that I had a few triggers this week.
Feelings pass. I should remember that. This morning I felt absolutely exhausted, and then I really needed a shit (laxatives); after spending about 10 minutes in the loo I got my energy back. The cold air raising the hairs on my legs filled me with adrenaline and expectation. The delight of waking up early gave me a further motivation. My motivation is not strong, but I am willing. Today I hope to make something of this day.
I read a bit more from the book for review last night, and I tidied up my wardrobe and sorted out my clothes for the summer in a particular organisational scheme. In addition, I also tidied up some of the tasks over the next week. I have a lot to do, but lets hope for a lot of activity and some catchup this week. As well as some success.
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