Yesterday (wednesday) was a funeral of a dear family friend. I think when my dad mentioned just earlier that the coffin was open for her body to be seen, that I really came to terms with what happened. Intellectually and emotionally I just cannot comprehend the gravity of her life ending. The poor lady suffered with cancer for 16-17 years and left three children behind.
I couldn't make it today because i had that horrible training course. I stayed on for an hour longer to compensate for a difficulty with no computers initially being available. I went to wimpy to spend about a half hour dining on their double decker burger with chips and coke. In the wimpy I saw a lot of social outcasts, a disabled man, various ethnic minorities, the elderly to whom the staff were very nice towards (I think they were locals and regulars - which is sweet).
Today I am reminded of the character of Jesus. In the past few weeks I've numbered among, and sat among the people that society has forgotten, or dislikes, or rejects. I think that is having an effect on me. One part of me is thinking 'I'm a graduate at a top university and here I am sitting with these people!'; but that's a very small part of me. Other parts of me feel scared, scared like when I was in the mental hospital. Upset at being reminded of the mental hospital; and another small part of me feels as if I am growing, becoming more aware, more open minded, less judgmental. A part of me feels humbled and humbling to the poor and the sick, to the disheartened and rejected. Very often people deal with this kind of social poverty and rejection by being isolated or exclusive (like gangs and crime), others break down (like the severely mentally ill), and almost everyone else simply gets on with it. This is their life; they deal with it and accept it.
Perhaps a part of me feels that I have not accepted my situation. My ex girlfriend went on a date today with a single dad who is quite similar to her. Good for her. I really and deeply miss her.
Another part of me feels angry, resentful, hateful and perhaps all of that is a foil for my upset.
Also I cant make fat jokes, because I am officially fat now.
FUCK. I ate a nice salmon supper after waking up from my nap. Now I'm messing about on google reader and dealing with a backlog of downloads and articles and sorting out of things. Procrastination in short.
I couldn't make it today because i had that horrible training course. I stayed on for an hour longer to compensate for a difficulty with no computers initially being available. I went to wimpy to spend about a half hour dining on their double decker burger with chips and coke. In the wimpy I saw a lot of social outcasts, a disabled man, various ethnic minorities, the elderly to whom the staff were very nice towards (I think they were locals and regulars - which is sweet).
Today I am reminded of the character of Jesus. In the past few weeks I've numbered among, and sat among the people that society has forgotten, or dislikes, or rejects. I think that is having an effect on me. One part of me is thinking 'I'm a graduate at a top university and here I am sitting with these people!'; but that's a very small part of me. Other parts of me feel scared, scared like when I was in the mental hospital. Upset at being reminded of the mental hospital; and another small part of me feels as if I am growing, becoming more aware, more open minded, less judgmental. A part of me feels humbled and humbling to the poor and the sick, to the disheartened and rejected. Very often people deal with this kind of social poverty and rejection by being isolated or exclusive (like gangs and crime), others break down (like the severely mentally ill), and almost everyone else simply gets on with it. This is their life; they deal with it and accept it.
Perhaps a part of me feels that I have not accepted my situation. My ex girlfriend went on a date today with a single dad who is quite similar to her. Good for her. I really and deeply miss her.
Another part of me feels angry, resentful, hateful and perhaps all of that is a foil for my upset.
Also I cant make fat jokes, because I am officially fat now.
FUCK. I ate a nice salmon supper after waking up from my nap. Now I'm messing about on google reader and dealing with a backlog of downloads and articles and sorting out of things. Procrastination in short.
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