When I woke up this morning, and more or less every day since Friday; I have felt this sense of extreme terror and fear about my dreams.
I cannot communicate how terrified these dreams make me. I felt so upset that i genuinely lost my sense of reality. That feeling of complete loss of mental control, however brief, was terrifying to experience on one's own.
Mia has been speaking to me, in my head. I hope that doesn't make me sound psychotic. I know that 'Mia' isn't a real person, and she isn't an actual voice in my head. It's a personification, if I were writing a novel, 'Mia' would be some kind of plot device, a Homeric personification, a divine personification that had more power and influence than the humanised dieities.
Mia wants me to listen to her. Mia promises the comfort and emotional coddling that I yearn for. Given that my ex is actually the source of my distress, and I don't have many friends; and I find that anyone is increasingly becoming distant from me as I am getting dragged into the dark recesses of my mind, I find Mia hard to resist.
Mia, even when she has Marie's face, does not stop her from becoming appealing; if anything, memories of Marie are beginning to warp to how they once were. No woman can be like that for me, no woman can be my saviour, my heroine, my gorgeous mentor and supportive friend. They'll just chew me out like usual.
I feel very much like purging at the moment. I've not eaten much today, to the testament of my will. I did have a snacking on some crisps, however (v. naughty).
My concentration is a bit buggered, and the nightmares begin to be distinct. I think I will consider going to counselling.
I cannot communicate how terrified these dreams make me. I felt so upset that i genuinely lost my sense of reality. That feeling of complete loss of mental control, however brief, was terrifying to experience on one's own.
Mia has been speaking to me, in my head. I hope that doesn't make me sound psychotic. I know that 'Mia' isn't a real person, and she isn't an actual voice in my head. It's a personification, if I were writing a novel, 'Mia' would be some kind of plot device, a Homeric personification, a divine personification that had more power and influence than the humanised dieities.
Mia wants me to listen to her. Mia promises the comfort and emotional coddling that I yearn for. Given that my ex is actually the source of my distress, and I don't have many friends; and I find that anyone is increasingly becoming distant from me as I am getting dragged into the dark recesses of my mind, I find Mia hard to resist.
Mia, even when she has Marie's face, does not stop her from becoming appealing; if anything, memories of Marie are beginning to warp to how they once were. No woman can be like that for me, no woman can be my saviour, my heroine, my gorgeous mentor and supportive friend. They'll just chew me out like usual.
I feel very much like purging at the moment. I've not eaten much today, to the testament of my will. I did have a snacking on some crisps, however (v. naughty).
My concentration is a bit buggered, and the nightmares begin to be distinct. I think I will consider going to counselling.
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