Over the past week. I've been chatting to this girl online that has been meaning to meet up with me on a non-date friendly basis (with other people). I wanted to go to a 'munch' (a vanilla setting friendly meeting for BDSM and kinky minded peoples).
Lately she's taken a liking to me. It's emotional, sexual, but not so much 'romantic'. The girl (I'll call her Sandra) seems nice. Not only did she show herself on the webcam, I also (on our second session) shared myself (and my orgasm) with her on my webcam. Gosh, I feel weird talking about sexual stuff on this blog. It is funny, for I have a reputation for being a very sexually receptive, sometimes sexually aware, or sexually explicit person. Yet in my most personal and intimate blog, sexuality has little place in my mind.
This girl wants me to be her sub, her pet. I think that I might have some oppurtunity to have sex with her; well, she was inviting me to have sex and cuddles with her.
Girl offers me sexual relief and companionship, without the prospect or promise of a relationship. In fact, she said that once she has' caught' her dream guy who is being presently aloof. Our sexual exchange (her words: 'arrangement') will end.
Is this a fuck buddy? If so, coool.
It doesn't feel 'cool' to me. My initial reception of her offer was with apprehension. I felt insecure about my body, my weight. Her body is a lot like Antonia's and there is no lie that I find that association very sexual. This girl is also a bit less sexually experienced, so perhaps I find an equal in her in that regard.
I feel that her offer of tenderness and respect and comforting sex (she knows im a depressive) is problematic. One thing is that I live with my parents and she lives with her family too; but also and this is the main issue: my body isn't sexually ready yet. I'm not thin enough.
When things actually go my way, it feels too good to be true.
In other news; I've sent off my referee letters to my old lecturers. Once I get those back, I will be ready to complete my application.
I'm trying bloody hard to be positive. But it's a challenge.
Oh, by the way, I may be going to REED for 4-5 hours every day for the next three months to complete some bullshit 'course' that the job center is putting me through. That is fucking annoying and also disheartening. but maybe, after some sleep, I've gotten to accept it a little more. I was very upset today.
Lately she's taken a liking to me. It's emotional, sexual, but not so much 'romantic'. The girl (I'll call her Sandra) seems nice. Not only did she show herself on the webcam, I also (on our second session) shared myself (and my orgasm) with her on my webcam. Gosh, I feel weird talking about sexual stuff on this blog. It is funny, for I have a reputation for being a very sexually receptive, sometimes sexually aware, or sexually explicit person. Yet in my most personal and intimate blog, sexuality has little place in my mind.
This girl wants me to be her sub, her pet. I think that I might have some oppurtunity to have sex with her; well, she was inviting me to have sex and cuddles with her.
Girl offers me sexual relief and companionship, without the prospect or promise of a relationship. In fact, she said that once she has' caught' her dream guy who is being presently aloof. Our sexual exchange (her words: 'arrangement') will end.
Is this a fuck buddy? If so, coool.
It doesn't feel 'cool' to me. My initial reception of her offer was with apprehension. I felt insecure about my body, my weight. Her body is a lot like Antonia's and there is no lie that I find that association very sexual. This girl is also a bit less sexually experienced, so perhaps I find an equal in her in that regard.
I feel that her offer of tenderness and respect and comforting sex (she knows im a depressive) is problematic. One thing is that I live with my parents and she lives with her family too; but also and this is the main issue: my body isn't sexually ready yet. I'm not thin enough.
When things actually go my way, it feels too good to be true.
In other news; I've sent off my referee letters to my old lecturers. Once I get those back, I will be ready to complete my application.
I'm trying bloody hard to be positive. But it's a challenge.
Oh, by the way, I may be going to REED for 4-5 hours every day for the next three months to complete some bullshit 'course' that the job center is putting me through. That is fucking annoying and also disheartening. but maybe, after some sleep, I've gotten to accept it a little more. I was very upset today.
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