I have come back from the training centre. The day of going through a computer training course has been pretty good. I genuinely feel as if I am moving forward and I am learning. Having the European computer's driving license will give me a little bit more computer confidence. If anyone asks, I'll say: oh, I have an ECDL qualification.
It really does mean very little.
Today, I find some distraction in the other people from the REED group who have been with me in this training programme. They seem to be mostly doing courses that boost their literacy and numeracy (is numeracy a real word?). The test yesterday was pretty hard, I had to dust up on my mathematics, and, that was genuinely a challenge, and not the kind I enjoy.
If I had my head screwed on properly while I was in school I would have made a lot more of my life. Maybe I could have done a science subject, or went to Cambridge. Alas, the university that I went to was pretty good and sufficiently elitist. I had an open mind and was very small while learning today. I felt the pangs of concentration leave me, so I took a nice walk and break. I considered visiting the local wimpy, I've not been in years; but better sense, and money decided otherwise. I stood in a fairly long queue at the sainsburys further down the road, maybe it was the annoyance of the long queue, or the man and child in the buggy that reminded me of Antonia, but I felt little cracks showing.
I wouldn't call it a trigger, it was much more subtle. Gentle reminders of the decisions I have made in my life and how they have affected me. They create small cracks. If I were to explore them, they would lead to darker thoughts.
*Note*
I was going to explore those darker thoughts but I suddenly, as typing; recieved an email about my police volunteering; I've been let in! I'm going to do induction and trainign with the police (yay!).
I thought that I would talk about something that I want to get off my chest. Call it bitching, or call it a disjoin between me and my bretheren of similar age to me. The cohort I am with at the training centre from REED have some very interesting personalities. It led me to think about my own flaws.
One guy, who I mentioned previously as having a criminal record; apparently had sex with 'his cousin's sister' or 'sister's cousin' (cousin?) and apparently he told a girl that not only did she get pregnant she also gave him an STI. I think that's easily one of the most fucked up things I've ever heard. It's jeremy kyle and borat rolled into one. Another girl seems to have an entirely uncivilised attitude. If someone calls for her attention, she replies with 'ehh?' or 'whaa?' like some animal. I noticed a lot of ethnically diverse people there, including the good old indigenous white cockeney (quite an abundant group surprisingly); not many black people and a few asians (including myself); a couple of eastern europeans and antipodeans. I noticed a distinct lack of women among the smelly unemployed.
Oh an FYI; I could smell one person's cock while sitting by the table. It was a two wank dick without washing for two days. I think women are more employable, especially considering how scummy those guys are. I count among their number; criminals, incestuous philanderers, whores and animal like abuse survivors.
I guess I was in the nuthouse once. I got my dirty I s'pose...
It really does mean very little.
Today, I find some distraction in the other people from the REED group who have been with me in this training programme. They seem to be mostly doing courses that boost their literacy and numeracy (is numeracy a real word?). The test yesterday was pretty hard, I had to dust up on my mathematics, and, that was genuinely a challenge, and not the kind I enjoy.
If I had my head screwed on properly while I was in school I would have made a lot more of my life. Maybe I could have done a science subject, or went to Cambridge. Alas, the university that I went to was pretty good and sufficiently elitist. I had an open mind and was very small while learning today. I felt the pangs of concentration leave me, so I took a nice walk and break. I considered visiting the local wimpy, I've not been in years; but better sense, and money decided otherwise. I stood in a fairly long queue at the sainsburys further down the road, maybe it was the annoyance of the long queue, or the man and child in the buggy that reminded me of Antonia, but I felt little cracks showing.
I wouldn't call it a trigger, it was much more subtle. Gentle reminders of the decisions I have made in my life and how they have affected me. They create small cracks. If I were to explore them, they would lead to darker thoughts.
*Note*
I was going to explore those darker thoughts but I suddenly, as typing; recieved an email about my police volunteering; I've been let in! I'm going to do induction and trainign with the police (yay!).
I thought that I would talk about something that I want to get off my chest. Call it bitching, or call it a disjoin between me and my bretheren of similar age to me. The cohort I am with at the training centre from REED have some very interesting personalities. It led me to think about my own flaws.
One guy, who I mentioned previously as having a criminal record; apparently had sex with 'his cousin's sister' or 'sister's cousin' (cousin?) and apparently he told a girl that not only did she get pregnant she also gave him an STI. I think that's easily one of the most fucked up things I've ever heard. It's jeremy kyle and borat rolled into one. Another girl seems to have an entirely uncivilised attitude. If someone calls for her attention, she replies with 'ehh?' or 'whaa?' like some animal. I noticed a lot of ethnically diverse people there, including the good old indigenous white cockeney (quite an abundant group surprisingly); not many black people and a few asians (including myself); a couple of eastern europeans and antipodeans. I noticed a distinct lack of women among the smelly unemployed.
Oh an FYI; I could smell one person's cock while sitting by the table. It was a two wank dick without washing for two days. I think women are more employable, especially considering how scummy those guys are. I count among their number; criminals, incestuous philanderers, whores and animal like abuse survivors.
I guess I was in the nuthouse once. I got my dirty I s'pose...
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