This morning I woke up at about 9, then I was on and off to sleep again. I had this weird dream in the space of 45 minutes. While still in a relationship with Antonia, I engaged in intimate closeness with a girl. It happened in dream time, within the space of 40 minutes. I was on a church pew, and Antonia was on the other end, she couldn't sit next to us because other people were coming through (and there was a parade).
Dreams are bizarre and I'm just telling you how it was. There was a parade and my mate from secondary school who is a TA-solider-cum-actor was in a WWI military uniform that he wore for a BBC documentary he did a few months back; and I saluted him as the military part of the parade passed by the church pew and to a hard right, which looked like they were going through a door of an air hangar, or a factory (a big door is what I mean).
Then, for some reason, I saw three friends in a further part of the parade. One of them, well, I am not sure I'd call him a friend; he was the guy who got the PhD studentship that I didn't choose to apply to at my old university, I chose not to acknowledge him in my dream so much. Another thing I did was I greeted two of my friends, I saw one who I identified as gay, and another in a horse costume telling the other guy 'look who's in the horse!' and I remember having a good laugh about it. However, I think that the two of them were the same person.
Okay so most of that dream doesn't make sense so let me focus on the girl I was fixated on.
She had this vulnerability, that she wanted to commit suicide, I felt like I slipped into an old role. This role of a friend that I crave so much, of being the supportive guy to the depressive girl, being the one who saves her and makes everything better. The allusion to Marie is obvious. It is as if, I have this psycho-sexual desire for wanting someone who is in desperate need and to sort things out for them with me as the hero.
It's sick, isn't it, but if I'm honest with myself, I have this deep emotional bond to that archetype. Maybe its just a dream and it means nothing. Or maybe it is something inside me that I do not acknowledge. Marie uncovered a deep need in me, a deep desire. I think perhaps the best reaction to her now is anger. Of her betrayal. I made her promise, we cuddled by the doorway.
I have to cut out that part of my life. I have to move on and just let go. In other newws I found it horrid to get up this morning, part of that was sleep, another part, is that I need to have a bit of a 'wakeup' before getting to things in the day. I have a lot to do today. I must get it done, this is my challenge.
Dreams are bizarre and I'm just telling you how it was. There was a parade and my mate from secondary school who is a TA-solider-cum-actor was in a WWI military uniform that he wore for a BBC documentary he did a few months back; and I saluted him as the military part of the parade passed by the church pew and to a hard right, which looked like they were going through a door of an air hangar, or a factory (a big door is what I mean).
Then, for some reason, I saw three friends in a further part of the parade. One of them, well, I am not sure I'd call him a friend; he was the guy who got the PhD studentship that I didn't choose to apply to at my old university, I chose not to acknowledge him in my dream so much. Another thing I did was I greeted two of my friends, I saw one who I identified as gay, and another in a horse costume telling the other guy 'look who's in the horse!' and I remember having a good laugh about it. However, I think that the two of them were the same person.
Okay so most of that dream doesn't make sense so let me focus on the girl I was fixated on.
She had this vulnerability, that she wanted to commit suicide, I felt like I slipped into an old role. This role of a friend that I crave so much, of being the supportive guy to the depressive girl, being the one who saves her and makes everything better. The allusion to Marie is obvious. It is as if, I have this psycho-sexual desire for wanting someone who is in desperate need and to sort things out for them with me as the hero.
It's sick, isn't it, but if I'm honest with myself, I have this deep emotional bond to that archetype. Maybe its just a dream and it means nothing. Or maybe it is something inside me that I do not acknowledge. Marie uncovered a deep need in me, a deep desire. I think perhaps the best reaction to her now is anger. Of her betrayal. I made her promise, we cuddled by the doorway.
I have to cut out that part of my life. I have to move on and just let go. In other newws I found it horrid to get up this morning, part of that was sleep, another part, is that I need to have a bit of a 'wakeup' before getting to things in the day. I have a lot to do today. I must get it done, this is my challenge.
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