closure

I realise it now. My feelings about Marie are without closure, that is why it has this effect on me. I never got to resolve it. It just left me before I had the chance. She left.

I decided not to go to my masters graduation. I have all sorts of reasons, money, reputation, unwilling.

I don't want to see my MA friends with their studentships and PhD places, while I have nothing, I'm happy for them, I try not to be envious, because it is not as if they stole it from me, they earned and deserve where they are. I suppose I deserve what I got. It's my fault. I must change.

Yesterday I went for a jog before it got dark. I think I'll go again, to sort out my despair