inconsistent rationalisation

I just got a text right now.

Antonia wants to go out and have a picnic with me on wednesday.

I have (as I am reluctant to talk about) a lot of work to do; in fact, 15, 000 words for thursday.

I've done, sofar, 0.

I'm a bit stressed; and the last thing I want is a distraction.

I'm sure she would be upset if I told her that.

HOWEVER, I thought to myself; I am being unreasonable:

Counterfactual; if Marie asked me to spend time with her, or took my time in the next few days; I would, without a thought, follow her.

But I still have the work to do.

I appeal to the reason that I am busy for Antonia, where I wouldn't for Marie.

I feel uncomfortable that I would reason in this kind of way. So, I must punish myself by abstaining from everything.

I feel so angry right now...I have to tell her that I have this work. Antonia is ot being very helpful to me by demanding my time. (a valid point)

It is unreasonable that (counterfactual), if marie demanded of my time at this period I would do what she says.

I'm angry at myself for such disregard, or myself, my work, Antonia.

I feel so low right now.