June 28th 2007

At least, I think it was June 28th.

I was told on Blackboard, an internet university teaching thing, that I got an upper second. Seeing my student examination candidate number on the list under "Upper Second". It was a moment of joy, of relief, of success, yet of only lukewarm success. I was meant for a first when I was doing my A-levels; I was seen as that kind of guy; but I never lived up to the hype that was made around me. I disappointed myself...I guess, that is the source of my depression.

Another source is this; my inability to make friends in my first year.

I just remember this now; cos I am using google calendar to do odd jobs that I have planned, and at 1am I am just doing a backlog of things. And I am sifting through my old online diary...

Odd...

Its a revelation, after college in 2004; university wasn't the life that I hoped it to be; i didn't have many friends and go out clubbing and did crazy things; nor was it the academically gruelling yet rewarding life of success and toil and intelelctual discovery....it was disappointment and regret, failure and not living up to the standards I set, and the standards of society of being a uni student.

Life is so much different now...with being a postgrad, and purging...should I say now that things have improved?

(silence)