Anger and Antonia

I talk to Antonia quite a bit of late. So much so that she knows my anger about the events that happened to me. I get angry quite a bit about the whole incarceration. Apparently its not cricket to be angry. She says I'm arrogant, self-centred, hateful, and lots of other things.

I used to have this friend, Greg, well, is he really a friend? (Perhaps another post for that...), whenever someone disagrees with him, he talks to someone else with the very same thing, and if they don't agree, he just goes to someone else, he doesn't change, just the person he is trying to talk to. Maybe I am like that.

I said to Marie on Thursday night "I am a cruel person", perhaps I said it in a way that would either affirm or deny this belief, but either way, her assurance would be what I relied upon, not my own constitution or belief or reasoning. Such a dependence upon others as a source of my own self-image is a pretty bad thing. It would mean that if I were around Antonia, she, who would know about the true extent of my anger, would tell me about my cruelty. Marie, who doesn't know, would not have any belief of my cruelty.

I am cruel. Antonia said that she has had enough...so, I've lost her.

It's not the first time I've lost a possible serious relationship