April, 2004

Just now, I have been playing the piano.

I am reminded of the old days. Most of teh small parts of my playing remain in my mind, as if the music and practice was engraved in my soul.

The passionate side of me, the emotional side. The rational side, the calulative and determined side. The man, and the woman, combined into one, in music, I was complete, unified. Perfectly expressing me.

I remember the old things from back then. I was playing some Chopin just now, and I even remember the mental 'post it notes' of things to remember when I was playing; small markers to reflect the notes, that i associate with my life at the time. SO I called this one part the 'vivienne passage'.

Why did things change? I used to ask myself that for two years after then, then I was so terrified by anxiety the past faded away. Now, I am living in the moment. It took a long time...

I am improving. But like I say always. One step at a time. But I am making steps forward, maybe not as big as I wanted, but hey, its something.