Wagner playing for 4 hours is doing my head in...

Dear Diary,

I woke up at 7am and I got straight on with my day from around 8-ish. I've been catching up with a week of blogs and other rss feeds. I've also sent an enquiry to join an alumni choir. I thought it might be a neat idea if I joined a choir and  got involved with some music, or another activity. I might get to meet new people, maybe make friends, maybe not. I've been thinking about skyrim all day, I feel like just playing it all afternoon. I've been good today, at least so far. Today feels painfully long, but if I'm counting my positives I can say that I've been catching up, setting a plan for the next couple of weeks and trying to execute said plan. I feel really low motivation, and I've taken about 5-10 minute breaks every hour or so. I feel almost like going for a walk, or going to the gym, or some kind of distraction from what I actually have to work on.

There are lots of things that I've set for myself, PhD applications, job searching, reading, writing, preparing for graduate scheme assessment, and all I want to do is just lay down. It's fair to say that I'm feeling anxious right now. Last night Antonia called me, I told her politely that she knows the rule: no calls after 10:30pm. Only special people break that rule, she's not special. I got a little bit thrown emotionally by talking to her. Anyway today I've been looking at all kinds of things. I've found a call for book proposals, and I've thought about applying, but then I saw that they are looking for an editor. I thought to myself: hmm, I could do that, so instead I've set a time to apply as an editor to this publisher.

In a way I'm the good kind of busy. Maybe if I just endure this level of activity for a few more hours, I can then relax. It's 2pm now, maybe I'll go until 5pm? This feels really hard right now. I have to keep in mind that after tomorrow (Weds onwards), I will have more free time to get back on with my schedule. I took saturday off to meet some friends, and sunday was at a slightly leisurely pace. I did some tutoring last night, that's two tutoring jobs this week. I like the feeling of earning money. I just need to do it more. I think that currently I have 2-3 sources of income, but they are so low. It's pragmatic to take a portfolio approach, considering how hard jobs are to get these days.

On that note, I need to get back. Maybe I'll stop playing Wagner's Sigfried right now, it is draining my life force.