After a funeral, life goes on.

Dear Diary,

What can I say about yesterday? It was a funeral. I woke up at 4:30am, got home at 7pm, left at 4:30pm, spent 3 hours in a car with my brother. Then I realised how much energy and anxious social energy I was using. I then felt a big crash as I got home, which is totally understandable. The runeral was in a way, a positive experience. We all cried, we all shared tears, we were supportive and there for each other. I love my family, I love them as people and I love them because I have to. I love them because we are different, but in embarrassing ways, we are also the same.

I cried quite a bit yesterday, if I'm talking about superlatives, it would be the first time I've ever seen a dead body. It definately will not be the last. To use a phrase of ebonics, the shit got real. As I got home, I barely ate anything. Perhaps for the first time in weeks, I chose not to think about my schedule. Perhaps I'll talk about the funeral another time, I think it needs more processing to deal with and acknowledge. As I was in the house, I felt like my uncle would at any moment be around the corner and sitting in the chair as he always did. According to testimonies, my uncle died peacefully in his house, sitting on a sofa, watching his beloved garden. I miss him, and I miss what he represented.One other telling experience was that when the coffin casket was open, my friend Merv stood up out of his wheelchair to say goodbye. That was really powerful for me to see, and really a strong expression for him. Merv can stand from time to time but it's really hard...really, damned hard.

My intention for this week was to go back home after the funeral and get on slowly with the rest of my month. There are lots of things to do, not least to mention the PhD applications and the upcoming interview that I need to think about. As it happened, everything seemed to have exploded in activity when I got home. I got asked out on a sort-of date. A woman that I've been chatting/flirting with has asked me on an impromtu basis to come along to an opera with her. Well, it's not quite an opera, but a live performance telecast of an opera. How could I say no? So I'm going to get there in a couple of hours. I've also recieved an extra shift at work (It almost makes up for my cancelled shift yesterday). I also, gasp, received an offer from the interview on monday. Of all things its not paid. So I really need to think hard about accepting it.It's a course, its work experience, its also indispensable, but can I afford to go? If I get offered a full time job, then no. If I work within my current job, and then work around some finances...then maybe. Perhaps there is some kind of word play significance: after a funeral, my life is going on.

We all have our time to die, but I want my time to live as well.

I've got lots to get on with now. Laters.