Today I dealt with a few ongoing issues that often cause me worry. In a past life worry caused me to hide away in inaction. Not thinking about the problem meant not worrying about it. Not dealing with it as if it didn't exist. I still feel that nature in me but I avoid it.
Today I dealt with following up the job centre issue. The guy called me back and said he'd contact me within the next two (working) days. I also dealt with the belgian PhD application. I've been worrying about that for a while and I emailed the admissions people to check if my application went in okay, and when I may reasonably expect a response, whether negative or positive. I try not to think too deeply about belgium. Part of me wants to psych myself up as if I'm actually going. Another part of me is anticipating the very depressed state I'll be in if I'm rejected again. Rejection is the way of life for the past few days. In some ways its my fault, in some other ways; it's just the sign of the times.
I also read a little for my book review, not enough mind you. I worked on my job hunt, and prepared for the interview tomorrow. I then sent a job application (information assistant). I also did some training today.
I'd like to think that I have done a lot today. I feel that I've reached a comfortable maximum limit today. I've done as much as I could given the circumstances. This morning's computer scare gave me a LOT of stress. I had a fight with my dad earlier as well, and just now I have been fighing my conscience to not eat chinese takeaway. Fuck now that I said those words i'm thinking about it again. Maybe I'll swig some gin in my closet instead.
Prospects for the coming few days:
Interview tomorrow
Two interviews in the coming weeks
Training day with the police
Hearing back frmo the job centre
Hearing positive results from the job hunt and/or university application
More volunteering hours
An actual job
Money?
Thinness
Happiness
Happiness leads to positive well being
Positive well being leads to attractiveness and sex
Sex leads to orgasms with a real person
Sex leads to normality.
Money leads to independence
Independence leads to normality and some kind of non loser way of life
I did my bit today to make all of those interweaving strands and themes in my life come together or move forward. I have six reasons to feel good about myself.
These are small steps to the slow and steady ascent.
All I want is a better life, and to be a better person.
I want to be me again
I don't want to be lonely
Today I dealt with following up the job centre issue. The guy called me back and said he'd contact me within the next two (working) days. I also dealt with the belgian PhD application. I've been worrying about that for a while and I emailed the admissions people to check if my application went in okay, and when I may reasonably expect a response, whether negative or positive. I try not to think too deeply about belgium. Part of me wants to psych myself up as if I'm actually going. Another part of me is anticipating the very depressed state I'll be in if I'm rejected again. Rejection is the way of life for the past few days. In some ways its my fault, in some other ways; it's just the sign of the times.
I also read a little for my book review, not enough mind you. I worked on my job hunt, and prepared for the interview tomorrow. I then sent a job application (information assistant). I also did some training today.
I'd like to think that I have done a lot today. I feel that I've reached a comfortable maximum limit today. I've done as much as I could given the circumstances. This morning's computer scare gave me a LOT of stress. I had a fight with my dad earlier as well, and just now I have been fighing my conscience to not eat chinese takeaway. Fuck now that I said those words i'm thinking about it again. Maybe I'll swig some gin in my closet instead.
Prospects for the coming few days:
Interview tomorrow
Two interviews in the coming weeks
Training day with the police
Hearing back frmo the job centre
Hearing positive results from the job hunt and/or university application
More volunteering hours
An actual job
Money?
Thinness
Happiness
Happiness leads to positive well being
Positive well being leads to attractiveness and sex
Sex leads to orgasms with a real person
Sex leads to normality.
Money leads to independence
Independence leads to normality and some kind of non loser way of life
I did my bit today to make all of those interweaving strands and themes in my life come together or move forward. I have six reasons to feel good about myself.
These are small steps to the slow and steady ascent.
All I want is a better life, and to be a better person.
I want to be me again
I don't want to be lonely
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