So, I had another bit of that baguette, and as I was entering the data into my calorific record. I get an email. It's from my potential supervisor. I thought to myself, ah this is a harmless email about the next stage of the PhD application. "Unfortunately" is the first word of his email's main body.
Yup, readers. I got rejected for funding. How do I feel? I don't know. As soon as I got to reading the email. I read it again, and then again. Then I started reading this blog post, I thought I might talk about what I'm thinking as a way to therapeutically go through what is going one in my head. I felt this sinking feeling. Like i've lost, and I've lost the final battle. I feel desperate to talk to someone. I feel like time has frozen and I'd feel comfortable if I just stayed in this moment for as long as possible, that way, I'd at least have a chance to not look foward in my life at the bleak hopelessness of it.
I didn't get the funding. That means my PhD dream has ended. I hope this doesn't put you off an academic career, he says.
This sinking feeling, it is distinct. Powerful, all encompassing. It is dark, terrifying and perhaps the most functional descriptor to say about it is. I've had it before. When I got my first PhD rejection. I couldn't speak for a couple of days. I was crying inside and out for a while. I had a girlfriend back then, she was crying for me too. She was sad, she also realised that the relationship we had would have to end as my flat contract ended. Back then, at least I had someone that loved me.
I was paused just now by my mum, who told me that I had mail. Funny enough. I know exactly what it says. I am opening it now. I need to translate it...
I'll get back to writing my feelings later.
Yup, readers. I got rejected for funding. How do I feel? I don't know. As soon as I got to reading the email. I read it again, and then again. Then I started reading this blog post, I thought I might talk about what I'm thinking as a way to therapeutically go through what is going one in my head. I felt this sinking feeling. Like i've lost, and I've lost the final battle. I feel desperate to talk to someone. I feel like time has frozen and I'd feel comfortable if I just stayed in this moment for as long as possible, that way, I'd at least have a chance to not look foward in my life at the bleak hopelessness of it.
I didn't get the funding. That means my PhD dream has ended. I hope this doesn't put you off an academic career, he says.
This sinking feeling, it is distinct. Powerful, all encompassing. It is dark, terrifying and perhaps the most functional descriptor to say about it is. I've had it before. When I got my first PhD rejection. I couldn't speak for a couple of days. I was crying inside and out for a while. I had a girlfriend back then, she was crying for me too. She was sad, she also realised that the relationship we had would have to end as my flat contract ended. Back then, at least I had someone that loved me.
I was paused just now by my mum, who told me that I had mail. Funny enough. I know exactly what it says. I am opening it now. I need to translate it...
I'll get back to writing my feelings later.
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