I was travelling home on the bus this weekend, and I saw this big blowup poster on the way to London. It was this male body, muscular and rippling, he had well defined everything; and he had those pelvic bones showing that I want to have; my body doesn't look anything close to that.
Maybe a body like that is too perfect; maybe guys who are like that aren't academics or scientists, but they just prance about and have sex with women (or men) who are equally prancy and frivolous and airheaded and dense.
But I'm still jealous...I want to be like those fashionable men on Debenhams posters, looking cool with their longish messy hair, yet smart as well; as if to say 'I'm a professional', 'but I'm also a fashionable young man'.
Purging makes me look beautiful, even if I feel ugly.
I want to look beautiful, so that I can find someone to hold me. To ease my lonliness, because, isn't that what most of us want, after all?
I'd rather be hungry and starving and alone, then fat an alone...the former has one less problem to solve.
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