Since I have been purging; my vision of the world changes.
I notice how some people have quite big bellies that I didn't notice before. I sort of feel more judgmental of male thinness. Girls are always beautiful whether skinny or large; its almost an appeal of their character. Endearing, charming, sweet.
I noticed, for instance, that my 'skinny' brother isn't as thin as me; I noticed how some of my old friends are quite fat. Well, unacceptably fat, really. I'd never tell them that, but they are quite big and they eat very high fat food. One guy told me he ate prawns and a whole container of cheese sauce, and that was just his first course.
I noticed this guy in grad school as well; he has quite a big belly. He has quite an attractive face, wears nice clothes, nice attitude, smart guy; but I noticed his belly portruding. I feel a little odd noticing these thing, I guess with my new body I just see the world differently now.
People also notice how I have changed. I try to wear tight shirts, and as little as possible. I want someone to hold me, maybe if I look more attractive I will find someone to care for me.
I can't bear this anymore...
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2 comments:
The worst thing I notice is girls wearing tight clothing with a belly hanging out.
Almost everyone has a belly.
Or do you mean a big belly?
I'm reminded of that scene in Pulp Fiction where that (I think) French girl talks about wanting to have a fat belly; where she is clearly attractive and beautiful, and talks about having a belly as if it is the sexiest thing in the world...I feel convinced if it was her talking about it.
I have recently been looking at people, sometimes girls, and thinking to myself 'I am fatter/skinnier than them', and if I knew them in the distant past, I'd compare how I used to think of their body with how I do now...a lot of my friends I realise are now quite overweight.
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