Piano mistakes

I used to play the piano in school. Solo performances. I dreaded making mistakes. If I made a mistake, I would try my best to iron it out during practice. Then I would simulate a 'mock performance' during practice, towards the end of a training session.

At the real thing, it is different to practice; if you are being trained in something, the safety of training gives you a psychological sense of security, performing in front of people takes that safety away.

I used to make mistakes, lots of them.

What happens when you make a mistake? You take away from the perfection of the piece? Not necessarily, just almost always.

You can save yourself from mistakes sometimes; make it interpretative and emphasise the overall character of the music; that will erode the fact that you made a mistake.

Some mistakes are obvious. Just play through it; so you made a mistake when you are playing in front of people in an audience, just go through, keep playing, forget about it.

The worst thing is if you let it get to you, then you make more mistakes, and when you make more mistakes, you may think about it, and then make more mistakes. The worst thing that could happen is when you stop playing, and pause.

When you stop playing, you try to get back to where you were. You feel awkward, embarrassed, ashamed, scared, and you want to escape, but you have to finish the piece, even though everyone knows that you failed the piece. Keep playing.

When you stop playing, and try to start again, you may stop again, and constantly start and stop. If you thought the nerves were bad just before playing, it is even worse when you play and make mistakes, and stop, and try to play again...

Do these memories I have from the past have anything to bear on my current life? I don't play piano anymore, but it used to be a deep passion in my life...

It used to be the thing I identified with.

I feel so lonely.