The hall of mirrors

Have you ever seen those hall of mirrors, when one mirror makes you look skinny, and the other fat?

Sometimes when I walk down the street, I glance at myself through the windows that I pass. I see two people. Lets call them Conatus and Conatus'

Conatus is getting skinnier by the day, he has a robust chest, he looks brash, youthful, full of energy, and stylish.

Conatus' is also losing weight as an objective fact, but still has a belly. In fact, his belly is quite protruding, I want my belly to be flat.

Some days I feel glamourous, I feel intelligent, I feel like there are problems but I'll work my way to making them better...

Other days I feel like the problems are all I have, and getting better is climbing up a greasy pole.

Ever seen that episode of Father Ted with the sheep beauty contest? Where the sheep is troubled by being traumatised, and there is a before and after comparison picture of the sheep (which is, to the viewer, only a mirror image of another...its the same picture). Yet, to the characters in Craggy Island; the sheep is thoroughly depressed and shattered, only an broken shell of what he formerly was. Its not really that absurd to think that its the same picture...is it?

Nothing has changed in my appearance during the day; but I can be a slowly thinning stylish guy who has still a bit to work on; to a pathetic fat loser who will never get a girlfriend...

In other news, my throat hurts constantly from purging. I've gotten this image of what stomach fluids are, and I think of battery acid coming out of my mouth as I purge; although when I purge its just food and relief that comes out of me.

But the battery acid metaphor seems to have more credence, as I feel my body slowly burning up inside.