Since Sunday I've been feverish, very unwell after my family Christmas. 

I've been still going to the gym, still going to classes, I feel very fainty and I've been off sick for a few days. I've been pushing myslef at the gym and I've really been pushing my mind to its limits. TO the degree that rigth now I feel like I need to crash to bed frequently. But I'm still setting targets for myself, I'm still giving myself shit about not getting stuff done. It feels toxic a bit.

But something just came to me, on my google keep actually. It's self discipline. It's an acknowledgment that life doesn't have a quick fix but needs constant effort. There's a lot of stuff I need to do. There's a lot of stuff I'm despearately falling behind on and I utterly am not doing well right now, even without this fever. But going to the gym, doing my rehab and keeping to my caloric deficit in the tiems of my weakness shows that in the times of my strenght and wellness, that I in my weak state am showing the strong spirit, perhaps even the stronger spirit as I persist in physical and mental agony. 

It's easy to be the hero when everything goes your way. It's hard to just be normal and do normal when things irregularly go against you. This is the catholicism in me that pushes on.