It's 3:15am. 

Today is Friday 2 December 2022. I have to go to xx father's funeral today. Yesterday (Thursday) I visited the body laying in the funeral place. I saw his mother and we talked a bit. x wasn't there he had to take his daughter home as she was crying. I cycled up to the funeral place. 2.5 miles there and I went to waitrose on the way home. I got some beef shin for a slow roast. 

On Thursday dad went for a colonoscopy. They found 6 polyps. This worries the hell out of me. Dad keeps getting up to go toilet in the middle of the night. Dad's in his 70s. I just don't like thinking about Dad getting older and what that might mean. 

It's really heavy at the moment. The email data breach incident at work after xxleft was problematic. Challenging for me. Lots of people speaking to me and some fear around repercussions. 

All while this is happening I have loads of other unresolved issues. I think my mia  eating problems are coming back. I'm losing quite a bit of weight at the moment. I aim for 2000kcal deficit every day and I try for 1-2 hours on tthe treadmill as much as I can in the evening. I set goals for myself like steps, kcal, cycling or I integrate it into my normal working of the day. It feels like a lifestyle change. I also feel like as I lose the weight my personality and myvery personhood has changed. I feel things I haven't felt in a very long time. 

This might sound odd but I also feel beautiful. J makes me feel so beautiful and so does L and my friends are so positive about my bodyfat loss. I feel like I'm on a turning point. Or maybe that's the mia delusion. 

Oh and on wednesday I was at an awards do at xx street. really weird how my life has ended up.