Dear Diary,
I've been away for a few days. I've had no internet connection and things have been simultaneously busy and slow. I've been trying to make things work out despite this little hitch. I'm currently in a local library on their wifi trying to catch up on emails, GReader and making logs of my workouts, walking data, and my weight. I realise how much I'm dependent on cloud computing. It's great to have so many records but its also an inconvenience without an internet connection. Damn you virgin media!
This is the last task that I'm going to set myself while I still have internet, which is to write my log on here. Over the past few nights, I have been reading. I've been reading a bit actually. I've also dug into some audiobooks, Schopenhauer, Gibbon, Peter Singer, Hitchens... I enjoy being mentally engaged. However this is the very thing that I feel upsets me. I was sobbing last night, and I wasn't in a good way towards the later hours. I think the one thing that helps me is that I can pretend that it didn't happen in the next day. Keeping secrets seemed to be the one thing that kept me sane. I've been more tempted to purge than I've ever been in at least the past year.
Lots of things are going on in my mind, lots of things worth mentioning, others which would be better forgotten .I just hope that the internet connection at home gets sorted for one, and for second, once it is set up, I can get back to normal and catch up. I'm feeling increasingly hopeless.
In other news, I'm doing pretty well with my new years targets, which I should just call my weekly resolutions, or my targets. I applied to 8 jobs last week, if it weren't for the internet problem I'd certainly do more. I also did 6 days of training last week, I went to choir practice and I practiced piano. I also experienced anxiety, and read a few essays by Adorno. I am a very unique person, I feel this is the case because nobody else does what I do. Being unique may sound like a nice thing sometimes, but I feel quite isolated. I've been so lonely that I've resolved to texting people as a form of contact. Including my ex.
Anyway, I better wrap up and go home. It's bitterly cold outside. I almost feel like getting a coffee, all french and casual like. Or maybe I'll just trundle home and do some receipts. I've set a few tasks that don't require an internet connection. As soon as I wrote them down, I immediately refuse to do it. I think my plan for today is have lunch, go to the gym for an hour before badminton, and then after badminton get home, relax, play skyrim and hope the internet is back
No comments:
Post a Comment