Dear Diary

It's been a few days since i've last posted. I've been so active and busy over the past few days, too active, in fact, to catch up with the disturbance of having no internet connection. I've allowed this to prepare for the interview and put everything into preparation for tomorrow morning. I have set about 20 little tasks before I leave the house so that all details are prepared, but now I feel upset. Upset has slowed my thinking.

I want to say things, but I feel its easier to just bottle it up. Basically, I feel everything is against me. I feel I have no chance. If I'm honest, I want to purge right now. I want to purge and empty my stomach out. That would feel so good right now. I have nothing going for me right now, I have no chance, no hope, everything I've worked for is just falling apart and failing. There's no point in going on.  That's how I feel now. This is the reality of the situation, that I'm carrying in me all the time that I try to ignore.

Everything is so fucking hard, and so many other people dont have it this hard. Why cant I win just once? I feel like I've run out of luck.