I'm listening to a lovely performance of the second act of Tristan Unde Isolde from the proms yesterday. It's so powerful, it's so emotive, its' so passionate, its' so glorious and indulgent and romantic. Wagner is a composer who I typically do not like, but He's really something.
I would love to listen to more opera, better still to watch them live. I live in London so that shouldn't be so hard. I love the leitmotif of Wagner. It reminds me very much of the soundtracks and incidental music of the 20thC, that would make sense considering his degree of influence.
When I listen to classical music, I feel like I am transported to another world. I become 'that kind of person' who likes opera, but more importantly, I lose myself in the opera. I lose myself in the music, I lose myself in the moment, filled with that intense and overwhelming sense of passion where my defenses are down. I am reluctant to listen to music lately because I have a lot of mental defenses about it. I wish I could listen to something without putting up a front in my head. I cant let go and just be.
I feel like I'm listening to the wrong music. I need to express myself by the type of associations with music. By the types of books and audiobooks that come to me. I don't feel right now that I belong in an opera house or a classical music venue. I'm not welcome there, 'my kind' of people aren't welcome there. I dont know why I feel that, perhaps its cos of my self esteem that although I feel completely isolated, I also feel excluded, that makes me feel like I'm of a certain type: someone who isn't welcome to be there. At what point did I turn into the riff raff that wasn't welcome at a lecture theatre? I've become what I hate.
Anyway, I won't let that interrupt my enjoyment of wagner. I'm going to focus on being active today. I have kept busy, I've burned a few calories walking about today and I've not eaten a great amount today. It's 5pm, that means I will soon be able to retire to bed.
For now I'll follow up on those tasks that I've not paid much attention to. While enjoying Wagner. I really like the BBC. They put out documentaries that help my awareness of the world, they put out lots of classical concerts that I can enjoy from afar, and they make lovely arts and culture broadcasts like Composter of the week or 'In our Time'. The BBC helps me express that emptiness that is from living the way I do. I can elevate myself to that person with a masters degree. Not the fat person who ate a cod fillet from his parents money. I might have some happy juice today just to take the edge off.
I would love to listen to more opera, better still to watch them live. I live in London so that shouldn't be so hard. I love the leitmotif of Wagner. It reminds me very much of the soundtracks and incidental music of the 20thC, that would make sense considering his degree of influence.
When I listen to classical music, I feel like I am transported to another world. I become 'that kind of person' who likes opera, but more importantly, I lose myself in the opera. I lose myself in the music, I lose myself in the moment, filled with that intense and overwhelming sense of passion where my defenses are down. I am reluctant to listen to music lately because I have a lot of mental defenses about it. I wish I could listen to something without putting up a front in my head. I cant let go and just be.
I feel like I'm listening to the wrong music. I need to express myself by the type of associations with music. By the types of books and audiobooks that come to me. I don't feel right now that I belong in an opera house or a classical music venue. I'm not welcome there, 'my kind' of people aren't welcome there. I dont know why I feel that, perhaps its cos of my self esteem that although I feel completely isolated, I also feel excluded, that makes me feel like I'm of a certain type: someone who isn't welcome to be there. At what point did I turn into the riff raff that wasn't welcome at a lecture theatre? I've become what I hate.
Anyway, I won't let that interrupt my enjoyment of wagner. I'm going to focus on being active today. I have kept busy, I've burned a few calories walking about today and I've not eaten a great amount today. It's 5pm, that means I will soon be able to retire to bed.
For now I'll follow up on those tasks that I've not paid much attention to. While enjoying Wagner. I really like the BBC. They put out documentaries that help my awareness of the world, they put out lots of classical concerts that I can enjoy from afar, and they make lovely arts and culture broadcasts like Composter of the week or 'In our Time'. The BBC helps me express that emptiness that is from living the way I do. I can elevate myself to that person with a masters degree. Not the fat person who ate a cod fillet from his parents money. I might have some happy juice today just to take the edge off.
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