If I wake up tomorrow feeling miserable and the only pleasure would be to hide in my head fantasies, at least I've done some amount for today.
There's an extent to which the depression I used to have has long passed. Getting over it is one of the hardest lessons I've had in my life. I've had to rethink the way I do things, and constantly evaluate my activities. I established systems of measurement to productivity; whether I get up in the morning and brush my teeth, shave; whether I keep up with my tasks, how many jobs I apply to, how many boxes I fill up in the top bar of google calendar, how many albums I listen to, how much I fill up in my endnote bibliography; how much I listen to in my music listening list, how high my scrobble count is on last.fm and so on.
It all starts with getting out of bed. Higher functions follow. Whether I can go jogging. Whether I can focus on the computer, or on any task other than porn. If I'm feeling really low, sometimes wanking is the only positive I have. Above the level of wanking,I can have simple level tasks in my GCal which are just quick searches, then there is the harder 'hour long' tasks, and then the longer tasks still. These are the ones that I often put off.
I sometimes use the Conatus system, which is the same as the 'spoon' theory but using the word conatus cos it means striving. Organising my life might seem eccentric, but it comes as a necessity to me as a reaction towards a set of problems, namely, anxiety, depression, lack of motivation, and lack of direction.
Today I feel as if I have gotten a fair amount done. Perhaps tomorrow won't be as productive. I've learned that life won't always be the same day by day. Some days are sad, other days are estatic. Happy ever after doesn't work out so. There's always hard times and perhaps we might have temporary relief from that. This is an insight that anyone who has had depression for a long time and learns to get over it will be very familiar with, so much so that its cliche.
My concentration levels are abnormally high today. I'm not quite sure why I'm able to last so long. Perhaps I'll force myself to finish up today so save up for tomorrow. I'm signing in tomorrow, interning on wednesday, possibly volunteering on friday, paid in on thursday (one step closer to new laptop) oh and I have a telephone conversation with a TV researcher tomorrow.
There's an extent to which the depression I used to have has long passed. Getting over it is one of the hardest lessons I've had in my life. I've had to rethink the way I do things, and constantly evaluate my activities. I established systems of measurement to productivity; whether I get up in the morning and brush my teeth, shave; whether I keep up with my tasks, how many jobs I apply to, how many boxes I fill up in the top bar of google calendar, how many albums I listen to, how much I fill up in my endnote bibliography; how much I listen to in my music listening list, how high my scrobble count is on last.fm and so on.
It all starts with getting out of bed. Higher functions follow. Whether I can go jogging. Whether I can focus on the computer, or on any task other than porn. If I'm feeling really low, sometimes wanking is the only positive I have. Above the level of wanking,I can have simple level tasks in my GCal which are just quick searches, then there is the harder 'hour long' tasks, and then the longer tasks still. These are the ones that I often put off.
I sometimes use the Conatus system, which is the same as the 'spoon' theory but using the word conatus cos it means striving. Organising my life might seem eccentric, but it comes as a necessity to me as a reaction towards a set of problems, namely, anxiety, depression, lack of motivation, and lack of direction.
Today I feel as if I have gotten a fair amount done. Perhaps tomorrow won't be as productive. I've learned that life won't always be the same day by day. Some days are sad, other days are estatic. Happy ever after doesn't work out so. There's always hard times and perhaps we might have temporary relief from that. This is an insight that anyone who has had depression for a long time and learns to get over it will be very familiar with, so much so that its cliche.
My concentration levels are abnormally high today. I'm not quite sure why I'm able to last so long. Perhaps I'll force myself to finish up today so save up for tomorrow. I'm signing in tomorrow, interning on wednesday, possibly volunteering on friday, paid in on thursday (one step closer to new laptop) oh and I have a telephone conversation with a TV researcher tomorrow.
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