Good morning, by the way.
I have been awake since what seemed to be 6am. I've been snacking, shaving, laying about, catching up to the archers, shitting, mroe shitting, and pondering.
I think i'm going to avoid masturbating. It's like an alcohol I am addicted to. Speaking of alcohol, I had one of those moments which I do not know if it is either spontaneous or a bit depressing. I decided to have a nice long bath, with essential oils. Lavender, Patchouli and Mandarin. I then had a bit of gin, well, about 1/4 of a bottle of gin, and I filled the rest with watermelon juice. It tasted okay. I got really drunk, but the reason I chose to get drunk was because I wanted to have a heart to heart.
Alcohol is one way to have a heart to heart, and since I was alone in the house, I'd have a rare oppurtunity to just do whatever I wanted. So, I was in the bath, bathing, naked, and drinking watermelon gin. There's one for the memories. I then ordered a pizza. Perhaps not the most responsibel decision. It was a BOGOF pizza since dominos had a special deal on tuesdays. I ate one pizza and I left the rest for today. I ate three slices this morning and I already feel sick. Here are some home truths:
1. Nothing can hurt me more than what my ex said to me the last time we met earlier this year.
As soon as typing that, I feel a sudden pang of pain in my stomach. Perhaps thats symbolic, perhaps I need a shit. *pause to poo*
2. The reason I'm behind all my tasks lately is because I'm trying to avoid the one most important task
That task being to think about further PhD options. I've put it off for so long that I feel unable to continue hoping. There's nothing worse than losing purpose. There's nothing worse than losing yourself. I might as well be fat if that were the case.
Speaking of fat, I've just shifted some shit out of me that felt horrible. I think it might have been there for a while. Now I need to expunge that pizza out of me and I'll be on my way. I perhaps was a little irresponsible to have that pizza yesterday, and I'm left with a veggie pizza today. At least supper is sorted out for me. I need to get with the programme and face my life. I'll tell you that not having a wank, and getting up early while watching the archers is a good sign. I've finally caught up on the more recent episodes. I've not followed the storylines properly since probably may-june.
Here's to hoping for a better future, and here's to overcoming those two home truths. Ah shit I think I need to piss again. Ugh....damn mushrooms
I have been awake since what seemed to be 6am. I've been snacking, shaving, laying about, catching up to the archers, shitting, mroe shitting, and pondering.
I think i'm going to avoid masturbating. It's like an alcohol I am addicted to. Speaking of alcohol, I had one of those moments which I do not know if it is either spontaneous or a bit depressing. I decided to have a nice long bath, with essential oils. Lavender, Patchouli and Mandarin. I then had a bit of gin, well, about 1/4 of a bottle of gin, and I filled the rest with watermelon juice. It tasted okay. I got really drunk, but the reason I chose to get drunk was because I wanted to have a heart to heart.
Alcohol is one way to have a heart to heart, and since I was alone in the house, I'd have a rare oppurtunity to just do whatever I wanted. So, I was in the bath, bathing, naked, and drinking watermelon gin. There's one for the memories. I then ordered a pizza. Perhaps not the most responsibel decision. It was a BOGOF pizza since dominos had a special deal on tuesdays. I ate one pizza and I left the rest for today. I ate three slices this morning and I already feel sick. Here are some home truths:
1. Nothing can hurt me more than what my ex said to me the last time we met earlier this year.
As soon as typing that, I feel a sudden pang of pain in my stomach. Perhaps thats symbolic, perhaps I need a shit. *pause to poo*
2. The reason I'm behind all my tasks lately is because I'm trying to avoid the one most important task
That task being to think about further PhD options. I've put it off for so long that I feel unable to continue hoping. There's nothing worse than losing purpose. There's nothing worse than losing yourself. I might as well be fat if that were the case.
Speaking of fat, I've just shifted some shit out of me that felt horrible. I think it might have been there for a while. Now I need to expunge that pizza out of me and I'll be on my way. I perhaps was a little irresponsible to have that pizza yesterday, and I'm left with a veggie pizza today. At least supper is sorted out for me. I need to get with the programme and face my life. I'll tell you that not having a wank, and getting up early while watching the archers is a good sign. I've finally caught up on the more recent episodes. I've not followed the storylines properly since probably may-june.
Here's to hoping for a better future, and here's to overcoming those two home truths. Ah shit I think I need to piss again. Ugh....damn mushrooms
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