It's 2022, it's 4:28 am, I'm working on my encyclopedia, I'm clearing some tasks. I didn't get to do it all today (referring to Tuesday), it's now wednesday and I should need to get into the office soon. One of my flash cards was 'rumination', I cleared the item on it because it's a green day song and that really wasn't in the foreground of my life in 2003. It was in the background but I wasn't one of those Green Day people as my friends were. I thought though I'd see what is on 'related videos' as 2003 memories are always something I return to. 

Ended up returning to 2005. I found a 20 year anniversary performance of Norah JOnes' songs, performed by Norah JOnes band and herself. It's ''come away with me' songs. 

I'm taken back to the 2000s right now.

It's 2005, I walk home (or the flat in halls) from the downs, my back is always sweaty and I feel the drips uncomfortable, my shoes are muddied and the hems of the trousers frayed. I wear baggy trousers as was the style, but find that the back of the baggy trouser gets worn out and makes the front flare out but the back is a muddied battered mess of thread.  For some reason the 36 year old me needs to stay in this memory. It is 2022 and I'm sturggling. HR has asked me to meet on Thursday, probably because I reported an incident to them. 

I'm taken back to 2005, I don't want to think about right now. I'm avoiding. 

It's 2005. I'm listening to Norah Jones. The past feels so attrative and comforting, perhaps because the things that have transpired are so permanent that they stay the same forever. Even the bad memories. I'm remembering the bad memories. My mind is taken back to Norah Jones. I remember Norah Jones because : i lost my sense of self, I didn't know who I was at university, I was desperately trying to find who I was. I didn't find myself at uni, I saw all the other people at uni found themselves, they found their friends, they found their partners, they found their identities.

I was finding that my old identity was like those trousers I wore, worn out and no longer useful or relevant, but like the front of the trousers, I was desperatelyl trying to hold on to some sense of self, no matter how battered and muddy and wet the trousers got as I walked down the downs. 

It is 2022. I need to get on.