My friend David from my undergrad and postgraduate days, is perhaps my most difficult moment. I abandoned him, I ceased talking to him, I blocked him on facebook and MSN.
In my first year, I didn't make many new friends at uni, I put up an ad looking for someone to live with, I found David, he was doing half of my degree course (I was joint honours). David and I not only sat in the same lectures, but we shared a mindset. I was very much alone, not many friends, isolated, not very successful with the ladies. We were like KG and JB from Tenacious D (an analogy he might have liked).
In my second year we shared a flat with Greg. My anxiety and depression was pretty bad in those times. Another thing to note was that he knew that I used to retch every morning (due to the anxiety). We chatted on msn late into the night. He was almost always on.
Yo, was his first word when we messaged.
David wore a denim jacket which was very faded, he was quite overweight, at one point we were both similar weight, he loved poker, always gambled and played online games, pissing about on forums, listening to indie music, sending me links, we shared an interest in amusing videos on the internet.
I miss him dearly.
I decided not to talk to him so much anymore. I cut out a lot of people from my life, and I have limited my circles... Sometimes you do things in anger and at the time it feels really right, like throwing something on the floor or other such gestures, but eventually you have to pick up the pieces.
The story of my life since I finished my dissertation and my masters, you might say, is rebuilding my life. I regret what I did over the past few years, I'm ashamed of my actions and how I have ended up.
Tomorrow I shall get some more tasks done, maybe finish off an application.
I feel incredibly lost, in limbo. If I close my eyes I let the darkness consume me, I'm doing my very best to fight it. Marie, when I first knew her, told me of how she was enclosed and enveloped in the darkness, I think that she wanted to jump in, she didn't want to fight.
Right now I close my eyes, but to slumber, or to be consumed by regret?
In my first year, I didn't make many new friends at uni, I put up an ad looking for someone to live with, I found David, he was doing half of my degree course (I was joint honours). David and I not only sat in the same lectures, but we shared a mindset. I was very much alone, not many friends, isolated, not very successful with the ladies. We were like KG and JB from Tenacious D (an analogy he might have liked).
In my second year we shared a flat with Greg. My anxiety and depression was pretty bad in those times. Another thing to note was that he knew that I used to retch every morning (due to the anxiety). We chatted on msn late into the night. He was almost always on.
Yo, was his first word when we messaged.
David wore a denim jacket which was very faded, he was quite overweight, at one point we were both similar weight, he loved poker, always gambled and played online games, pissing about on forums, listening to indie music, sending me links, we shared an interest in amusing videos on the internet.
I miss him dearly.
I decided not to talk to him so much anymore. I cut out a lot of people from my life, and I have limited my circles... Sometimes you do things in anger and at the time it feels really right, like throwing something on the floor or other such gestures, but eventually you have to pick up the pieces.
The story of my life since I finished my dissertation and my masters, you might say, is rebuilding my life. I regret what I did over the past few years, I'm ashamed of my actions and how I have ended up.
Tomorrow I shall get some more tasks done, maybe finish off an application.
I feel incredibly lost, in limbo. If I close my eyes I let the darkness consume me, I'm doing my very best to fight it. Marie, when I first knew her, told me of how she was enclosed and enveloped in the darkness, I think that she wanted to jump in, she didn't want to fight.
Right now I close my eyes, but to slumber, or to be consumed by regret?
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