at the moment I am sending phone calls, call them nuisance calls, except they aren't responding.
A few tears fill my eyes at the moment. Going through these folders is giving me a lot of distress.
I don't know how to respond to the past.
Do I just ignore everything and forget what happened.
I am bacck in an emotional territory where I had someone to talk to in the past. I had Marie. She's gone and I'm back in that minefield. What do I do? I am well and truly alone at this moment.
I don't think I can tell Antonia...I still feel a priviledged bond to Marie, of my openness of my distress.
I look at the screen, almost as If I look at myself, I don't want to look at myself, so I try to stay away from staring directly at the screen. It is hard, right now to focus on this computer screen, looking at it as if I am looking into a mirror.
As if, I am looking into myself, I ask. What do I do? I seek within for guidance, I am supposed to be the wise one, and if I am not; how can I be wise if I don't decide now.
My decision, I feel attracted to deliberating, staying in this emotional state, of waiting, asking, introspecting, regreting, hating.
But part of me knows, it's the harder battle that is the right one to fight. I have a simple job to do. I have the job of filing my folders, and that's just what I'm going to do. Might go for a run while its still bright, as well.
A few tears fill my eyes at the moment. Going through these folders is giving me a lot of distress.
I don't know how to respond to the past.
Do I just ignore everything and forget what happened.
I am bacck in an emotional territory where I had someone to talk to in the past. I had Marie. She's gone and I'm back in that minefield. What do I do? I am well and truly alone at this moment.
I don't think I can tell Antonia...I still feel a priviledged bond to Marie, of my openness of my distress.
I look at the screen, almost as If I look at myself, I don't want to look at myself, so I try to stay away from staring directly at the screen. It is hard, right now to focus on this computer screen, looking at it as if I am looking into a mirror.
As if, I am looking into myself, I ask. What do I do? I seek within for guidance, I am supposed to be the wise one, and if I am not; how can I be wise if I don't decide now.
My decision, I feel attracted to deliberating, staying in this emotional state, of waiting, asking, introspecting, regreting, hating.
But part of me knows, it's the harder battle that is the right one to fight. I have a simple job to do. I have the job of filing my folders, and that's just what I'm going to do. Might go for a run while its still bright, as well.
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