Quite a nice sight to see.
I see that the nights are getting shorter now. After thinking about Marie a bit today (I very naughtily opened one of the messages that she sent me after deleting [but not purging] them), I remembered then the period of time in which I knew her. I lived in a flat with international students, one big 6ft chinese guy, this italian student, and a chinese couple doing a PhD.
I made a big mistake deciding to life where I am living now. I thought I was going to do a PhD. I was in a bad place. I know that moving back into my parent's place is inevitable. I feel that I've made a lot of bad decisions and I'm going to spend the rest of this year, perhaps my life (if I don't get any offers for MPhil) will be spent recovering.
I remember the place I lived was a suburb and fairly upper-middle class; leafy, quiet, residential yet studenty as well. There was a big tree next to where my window was, I saw the leaves die, I saw it on most days when I felt really depressed. I identified with that tree, and the oncoming nights, and the leaves that grew on it.
Autumn had turned into Winter almost in an indistinguishable way. Summer turned into autumn quite noticably; girls stopped wearing miniskirts and flip flops and changed into miniskirts and ugg boots, it started to become acceptable to wear blazersovercoats and so on, even though it wasn't too cold, but it was cold to wear just a shirt or single layer.
Now winter is about to end, the snow storm of two or three weeks ago is a distant memory. The buds will grow, girls will start to appear sexier, and having a wank at 6am in the brightness will be one of the guilty pleasures of mine. I'm still haunted by the memory of Marie; her presence in my life has had such an effect on me, both destructive and long-lasting.
I saw a film the other day, Beowulf, with Angelina Jolie and that cockney guy whose name I cannot remember. A lot can be said of that film, the regret and guilt of the titular character resounds to me. Marie is my secret emotional shame. I've done a bit of computer tasking today, fixing lots of things. I think I'm going to go off for a run. I am also tempted by beautiful ice cream.
I see that the nights are getting shorter now. After thinking about Marie a bit today (I very naughtily opened one of the messages that she sent me after deleting [but not purging] them), I remembered then the period of time in which I knew her. I lived in a flat with international students, one big 6ft chinese guy, this italian student, and a chinese couple doing a PhD.
I made a big mistake deciding to life where I am living now. I thought I was going to do a PhD. I was in a bad place. I know that moving back into my parent's place is inevitable. I feel that I've made a lot of bad decisions and I'm going to spend the rest of this year, perhaps my life (if I don't get any offers for MPhil) will be spent recovering.
I remember the place I lived was a suburb and fairly upper-middle class; leafy, quiet, residential yet studenty as well. There was a big tree next to where my window was, I saw the leaves die, I saw it on most days when I felt really depressed. I identified with that tree, and the oncoming nights, and the leaves that grew on it.
Autumn had turned into Winter almost in an indistinguishable way. Summer turned into autumn quite noticably; girls stopped wearing miniskirts and flip flops and changed into miniskirts and ugg boots, it started to become acceptable to wear blazersovercoats and so on, even though it wasn't too cold, but it was cold to wear just a shirt or single layer.
Now winter is about to end, the snow storm of two or three weeks ago is a distant memory. The buds will grow, girls will start to appear sexier, and having a wank at 6am in the brightness will be one of the guilty pleasures of mine. I'm still haunted by the memory of Marie; her presence in my life has had such an effect on me, both destructive and long-lasting.
I saw a film the other day, Beowulf, with Angelina Jolie and that cockney guy whose name I cannot remember. A lot can be said of that film, the regret and guilt of the titular character resounds to me. Marie is my secret emotional shame. I've done a bit of computer tasking today, fixing lots of things. I think I'm going to go off for a run. I am also tempted by beautiful ice cream.
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