I had a pretty bad trigger. The kind that makes you want to purge. It was about marie. I still have strong feelings for her. I guess I have a lot of doubts and uncertainties and inadequacies about the whole ordeal. Why couldn't I help her? Was I not good enough?
So I tried something. Distraction, fighting.
I visualised myself (this is going to sound weird as literally it doesn't seem to make sense) just standing steadfastly, concentrating on an image of myself, holding on, struggling, fighting. I visualised it, I was wearing my most fierce outfit and I would just concentrate on that image, the unblinking, unbreakable me.
Then a little doubt slipped in; that fierce outfit is pathetic, you are pathetic, keep fighting. It didn't work. I then started to think of marie, I felt distressed, I constantly am coming to the thought , the same thought over and over again I could never have her.
Antonia taught me about affirmations. Just say how you want the world to be. State your intention of how you want the world to be, how you want your beliefs to make the world fit it. I want to move on. I uttered the phrase. I want to move on...I want to move on, from a croaky, slow and reluctant voice, the more I said it I had more confidence. I want to move on. I will move on. I'm going to move on.
Eventually the distress was lessened. Is that a success? I don't think breakdowns ever have successes, but, I did record the time in which I got over the trigger. 23 minutes. Not bad, in this world of statistics and data, cold hard facts, that's going to come useful in actually calculuating days and distrubaces
So I tried something. Distraction, fighting.
I visualised myself (this is going to sound weird as literally it doesn't seem to make sense) just standing steadfastly, concentrating on an image of myself, holding on, struggling, fighting. I visualised it, I was wearing my most fierce outfit and I would just concentrate on that image, the unblinking, unbreakable me.
Then a little doubt slipped in; that fierce outfit is pathetic, you are pathetic, keep fighting. It didn't work. I then started to think of marie, I felt distressed, I constantly am coming to the thought , the same thought over and over again I could never have her.
Antonia taught me about affirmations. Just say how you want the world to be. State your intention of how you want the world to be, how you want your beliefs to make the world fit it. I want to move on. I uttered the phrase. I want to move on...I want to move on, from a croaky, slow and reluctant voice, the more I said it I had more confidence. I want to move on. I will move on. I'm going to move on.
Eventually the distress was lessened. Is that a success? I don't think breakdowns ever have successes, but, I did record the time in which I got over the trigger. 23 minutes. Not bad, in this world of statistics and data, cold hard facts, that's going to come useful in actually calculuating days and distrubaces
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