P(lace is) h(ar)D

My situation:

I'm applying for a PhD. (That's the ultimate goal)

Problems:

I need to find a place to live if I get a PhD
I don't know if I get in
I don't have the money to pay for rent...yet

Money? get a job, right?

Sending applications
No reply
Not sure if I can work cos I'm feeling very ill, anxious, depressed, tired, distressed
Even if I get a job, it may not necessarily be enough to support myself to study

Issues with working: Part time or ful time?
Full time...enough money, not enough time or energy to make a doctoral degree...
Part time...maybe enough money, maybe not
Part time...similar, but not as bad problem with having enough time and energy to do both
Time and energy is not something I have
Still not heard from applications
I don't think I'll be good for a job anyway

I don't want to say any more about this anymore...I mean I want to like express this, so that I can find some way to cope.

In the process of typing up this post. I went to the toilet and purged. I purged milk. The fat separated from the rest of it so there were lots of white lumps, it also went over my brand new corduroy trousers...its pretty undignified...

i can't cope