Female friends; Marie, and introducing Pam.

Today was a fresher's fair repeat. I had to run two stalls. My anxiety was really bad. Marie and some others came along to help. I enjoyed very much having Marie around; she talked to me about such normal and mundane things. I loved it. I hardly get a moment to talk to her alone. To talk to her feels like being in a beam of light. Damn, that sounds a bit stupid, doesn't it!

I also had a conversation with another lovely girl; she's come to be a friend of mine; she's 20, a first year, and we get along fairly well. We talk about stupid stuff like the 90s, or remembering when we were 18 years old. I really like it. I have not been able to have female friends, or know a girl I can walk home, we talk, but I feel nervous and anxious. I like her, we can talk such fun things, and when I meet her in discussion groups and stuff, I am the 'formal' and intellectual self which I have come to hate. But the mask can come off with her. Let's say her name is Pam.

Pam is great, she is really cute, she is in the department that I am in, so we talk about academic stuff. We are from a similar part of the country (technically) outside of the university town, and she has a lovely smile. I thanked her for helping me today, I said I owe her one, she helped me out big time today.

Marie said I did well today at the fresher's fair. She also told me that she got an essay that I was talking about once; on appearance management. What does this mean? I gotten her to read a paper that I talked about. She got it because of me? Maybe she likes the author and the message and not me. I once lent her two CDs of mine that I loved; she said that she thought it was beautiful and that she wasn't disturbed at how bleak it was.

A year ago; or before I graduated, no girl would ever pay attention to me. Now, I talk to Pam as I walked her 2/3rd of the way home, I talked to Marie and somehow influenced her to get a book that I talked about, and Antonia is constantly pining for my affections, saying how she sexually desires me and wants me to love her.

I'm quite overwhelmed. Not to mention, I am seen as a prominent intellect among the undergraduates. I don't feel like a postgrad. I never had a good time as an undergrad, now I'm making up for it...