I was almost feeling quite good today. I know that the reason I was going to feel good was superficial. What was it? The editor of the student paper said I could get a piece published. I sent it to her...nothing.
I was so excited that I ran out of the library with all my valuables on my studyspace. I ran all around the university to find a paper, to no success. I was so excited that my poor health and small lungs didn't mind feeling this pain that I was putting myself through to run. I didn't find a paper, but I went back to the library, I was overjoyed as I found a stash of papers of the new issue just in the library coming in. I took one, ran upstairs to my study space. I looked hurredly to see my piece, I started looking in order through the articles, to try and enlarge my excitement and anticipation. Fuck that! I thought, So I rushed to the music section ,where my piece was supposed to be.
It wasn't there.
Suddenly all those feelings of inadequacy came.
Suddenly I remember how I can't have Marie
Suddenly I remember how unattractive I am
Suddenly I come to terms with that fact, you know, that fact that always haunts me. I'll always be alone. I have no one to hold me, to cuddle me.
I am a failure
My piece wasn't good enough for the paper. I'm not good enough for Marie...
I feel desperately low again...I don't want to be around anymore
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I have some experience with newspapers. Actually, I have a lot.
Do you know in daily newspapers, an article (outside of current news) is planned a week before it's published? So if you submitted a music article on a Monday, and that type of article is published on a Wednesday, your article will actually print the following Wednesday.
Just saying to give it time.
As far as the alone thing goes, there have been girls after Marie that have demonstrated a clear interest in you and you chose not to be with them; you are choosing to be alone. You may not be able to be with Marie, I don't know, but other girls will come. There will always be some else. It's all about the bus analogy.
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