W43 2022 (in summary)

 Week ending 30th October 2022 was eventful. Let's go backwards

Sunday: I'm recovering from Comicon. I decided to not go to day 3 of MCM. I did decide to do some gruelling gym and I started doing some dumbell exercises that I've not properly done since the injury or even before. My arm is still very weak and it was excruciating to train. I did 48 mins of treadmill but I stopped when I felt my knee and ankle rolling. I thought I had to stop as I'd get injured if I continued

Saturday: day 2 of MCM. wasn't as fun as day 1. I'm exhausted from Friday and still reeling from the intense conversations. Speaking of intense conversations, J was telling me about the power of an ancient text which seems to reference trans people in the ancient world and how special it is for her to feel like what she goes through has existed for thoursands of years. I ordered the book and I am moved by her account

Friday: Day 1 of MCM, I did some work (I was there for work) and then I went to a fundraiser. I spoke all night to a person about my activism and i got a bit more real than I usually am. we talked about nonmonogamy, coming out, she was so lovely and I learned so much from her. Also I witnessed some amazing drag artists. I don't understand drag but I am beginning to like it more

Thursday: I went to the office. I felt uncomfortable. I went to a lovely networking meeting. I met someone from another media organisation and we had a great and profound chat. I went home in a rush because I was very keen to do my gym stuff

Wednesday: Difficult day with HR meeting. I don't want to talk about it here

Tuesday: Went to the office, went to a media industry meet up, had a cigar, i went home soon after the post meet social because I wanted to do my training at the gym, I got more steps than usual today. I walked home, quickly biked back the route in which I came from the tube to the gym, did my business and got home. 

On reflection of describing this week backwards, I was really active. I'm glad that I lost so much bodyfat this week but I worry that my weight loss gains are reducing. I feel guilty when I eat. I...feel like the old me is coming back in a way I don't like. I also like my old (thinner) body is coming back without purging. I'm not purging but this whole borderline obsession with having to do the gym ritualistically is ...worrying. I guess it helps not being fixated on politics or whatever.