on sunday I started working on my admin tasks and then I suddenly fell ill. I had an intense fever. Then I got very tired and now I seem to have diahorrea. I've lost a lot of weight, not eaten much, I've still been working out a bit. I cant diahorrea much fi I don't eat much. I had some lovely sausage role snacks last night. I've been working all night it is 4:26 am

I'm only now since sunday able to keep up on my google keep. My tile today for therapeutic writing is: 'self discipline'. 

I've lost a good amount of weight. so much so lately that my silhouette is changing a bit. I also feel like inside I'm changing. I'm still a fat guy but I'm turning into a not-fat guy if I keep up this hour a day of treadmill and good eating no junk food and no comfort eating. 

Self discipline is mental, all that physical stuff is mental. My dad said to me the other day how strenght isn't about in your arms and i told him bullshit he doesn't understand strength, people who develop their strength have mental strength, if everyone had that level of mental strenght, more people would have that physical strength. It's something you work on, its the essence of discipline. The discipline is keeping at it even when you don't feel like it.

I was suddenly reminded of the piano days. 

Lately I hav these flashbacks. I have a lot of very upsetting flackbacks. I believe they are some kind of challenge, I believe these flackbacks come to me like some ghost of Christmas past that I need to re-fight to find my worthiness as a warrior in the present. I'm dealing with some really heavy stuff at the moment and taking a toll on me.