dear diary

it's Monday 29 March. Lockdown beginning to ease gradually. The rule of six re-implimented and we are about where we were maybe in December 1 2020? 

I definitely don't feel ready for society to come back. Today my energy level was extermely low. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm depressed. I wouldn't rule that out. I managed to get *an amount* of work done but then I suddenly fell into extreme fatigue and I was in bed for a while. In my clothes as well, which isn't as comfortable to sleep in.

I am not feeling right at the moment. I might list some things as positives. Today I listened to 8 hours of an audiobook. I actually think maybe that audiobook sucked it out of me, all my energy as the words and voice of stephen fry sapped a lot of my attention. I listened to it for almost half of the book. I have a target of hitting a book a day. Maybe 2 for good measure. I'm 20 books in on my annual reading target. Maybe I could hit 50 by the end of the year. I'm well into that target. 

Also today. I felt really fresh after having a shower. I hadn't showered for 2 days. I think part of it was that Sunday I was working through a lot of admin and things and my focus was really on getting stuff done. My energy levels are generally really low.

Anyway, one thing I do in the in between moments of finishing work and moving on to non-work in the evening is that I have a think. I think the following: what are my goals for the rest of today? My goals for the rest of today would be to go outside, get some waitrose supplies, cycle home, maybe listen to a podcast, watch the sun set? shower as I get home, continue my logging, maybe read a paper. Maybe get some non priority schema tasks done. I think that's more than enough really. If I could get just half of that I'd be golden. 

I know lots of my peers are making big achievements in their lives and I'm just happy going on a bike for 6 miles. My life is definitely different. I can't have their life. So maybe I won't try. 

I had a bit of a flashback lately. There's a woman from my old school, I used to chat to her on msn and we really got on. but i got 'weird' and couldn't deal with it emotionally. Anyway she's with a nice man who has a phd, she also has a phd and I think they both work in some advocacy think tanks that have policy implications but don't impact on the big picture of politics. 

Anyway. 

I wonder if I can make something of my day. 

Also I'm really badly eating too much junk food. Need to stop that.