its 3am and I'm dangerously getting close to my insomnia patterns of from before 2021. I realise that I've had really good sleep hygiene lately. When I say lately, I mean since the start of the year. The past two days jeopardise that.

I'm unwell at the moment, my panic episodes have messed up my agoraphobia, and my mind isn't quite there. I'm slowly working back to it. It's 3:01 now. Over the past hour I have been working on some budgeting, I've set about £3000 to be automated into my savings account for budgeting. In addition I am also working on some future planning. 

This week, the union met and the position they will take is to ask for 5.5% pay rise. Considering last year we didn't get a pay rise, 5.5 is really what is owed to us. The company said it was in a bad way last year but in real terms, one of the subsidaries of the company actually made money, even though the sentinel paper itself didn't make as much money (made a loss).

This week we saw the news coverage about Sarah Everard. I cycled down Clapham last week on saturday to get some magazines from WH Smiths. I saw some forensics people right by the pond. It was scary but I didn't think much of it. Then I saw the news coverage about a missing person. Then a couple of days ago I saw a forensics van at night outside a block of flats. Then I saw the news...that poor girl. It upsets me to think that I cycle down those roads often and she came to harm. It also makes me think that I am around on the bike late at night exactly around the kinds of times she was out. 

I'm reading about how many women are affected by fears of their safety. It is very...enlightening how one gender views the world in such a different way to another. I can go out on my bike at 4am and I'd probably be the safest person out there. A woman or perhaps a smaller person than me might be harassed or bothered etc. I think there's a distinct sense of male priviledge in that. 

I've been upfront about my agoraphobia at work and I've asked for some time off. In recent days I have been working on some admin, but it turns out that 'catching up' actually entails a lot of work that has been quite tiring. Having said that. Not having to do the day job has really helped me catch up on my admin. If that's what I need to do on my time off, maybe thats what works for me.