Dear Diary,

I'm up late today. I've spent the past few hours catching up on some of my non priority/housekeeping tasks. Tasks which I should have completed by this time last night.

I was up late last night, maybe until 4-5am. I was in fact writing some memoir letters to myself but I also worked on some other things. I was running late because I was side tracked by cooking on Saturday. I was preparing a cote de boeuf as a preparation for Christmas. I'm thinking of purchasing a large beef roast.

I went to bed late and I woke up exceptionally late. I woke up around 9am but then fell asleep again and woke up a 2pm. I felt like it was important for my body to rest so I just let it happen. I have been very busy lately. So busy that I feel like I'm slightly fraying a bit. I think that people close to me are realising that its breaking me apart.

I woke up annoyed that I got up so late because I'm usually entering the gym right at that point. I had to rush and entered the gym an hour later. I hit on the heavy bag really hard for about 30 minutes and then I did my gym classes. I didn't hit 5000kcal like I usually did. 3800 isn't so bad though.

Let's talk about some of my friends. One of them is expecting a newborn next month; one of them had a boy last month; one of them is having family trouble and is working at the Razer pop up store which I am actually looking forward to going to. I keep thinking to myself that this year, this december is going to be like, or is like the great December of 2018 when I saw Aquaman like 5 times and I was so excited to see adverts on the street and in tube stations of Jason Momoa as Aquaman. I felt like I was having a moment where all the things I was into were suddenly part of the cultural conversation.

This year: hmm I don't know. I did do something that's a 'Big Deal' TM but I feel like I want to distance myself from it, draw a line. Perhaps because it attracts praise that I'm afraid of accepting on pain of inflating my ego, but also because I have some other problems right now that I really need to sort out in my life, like finances and my future. My health and my social life. If I don't pay attention to my life, I might not have one.

So let's go back and think about the 'on this day' events of this week from previous years:

• 2013: I saw the band Shining (dsbm) at electrowerks. Gosh That was really a long time ago. I keep telling the story of that gig like it wans't long ago. Jesus Christ I'm past it
• 2014: I've been offered 6 weeks of work on the picture desk and I felt really chuffed at working properly full time for once!; 
• 2015: The day that changed everything: When I was asked to cover for someone at The Sentinel which became my current job role... I wrote about that in the last post so I won't repeat too much
• 2017: Ai Weiwei was giving a talk at the office and said we were a room full of hope. It had an impression on me that he drew strength from us. 
• 2018: I went to see Nightwish at Wembley SSE. I still remember it really well, which is a real surprise. I guess it shows my age that a year isn't really a long time. 
• 2019: It's still fresh and dewy in my mind: that cartoon award and the shopping beforehand. I also had a workplace appraisal and I made a practice roast for Christmas.

I should try to sleep. 

I feel like I'm writing more in this blog. I also feel like it helps. I've had so much happen to me and I've done so much. I've not processed it. Processed it emotionally and also I suppose process how it has changed who I am. I am still trying to tackle who I am. The things that have happened definitely have made me a different person. The things I do like the extreme gym routine also change me but I can't work out exactly how just yet.

Good night reader