Saturday, February 12, 2011

"I think i might even have an early night with all that activity" (Mendelssohn in the evening)

Good evening.

I'm not sure if this is the second post today, I'm not really sure. In fairness, I do feel like I *probably* didn't do vert much. All the same, I feel much better having went to the gym. There was a moment after the first rowing workout when I felt really out of it. The rowing excercise consists of a 20 second intensive workout and then 1 minute of warming down, which repeats 10 times as a process. I then went on with some weights. There is this arm curl excercise that I'm a lot better at than the other workouts so I put more weight into that, I felt a lot more work in my arms after that increase of weight and I then made and effort with some other machines.

Following the weights, I then went to complete a cycle session, I think I broke two parts of the machine (I won't tell if you don't!). That workout really took the steam out of my sails and although I went on do another 15 or so mins of weights, I decided it was time to stop. My throat felt really dry and I did feel a little bit weak. After my shower and slowly putting on my clothes, I went to the supermarket to get some groceries, I easily forgot what I came there for, I had a mental list of things I've been meaning to get, such as more aspirin and paracetamol, more vegetables and more cough syrup. I felt my fatigue increase during the shop, as carrying all of the food and such grew in weight as I found more. Walking home was a bit of a chore but I managed. I spent a long time warming down, and during the time I watched The Empire Strikes Back on the Sky+. As I get older I get something different from that film. I love how dark it is and Luke's personal journey which skirts on the dark side.

I feel kind of tired, my eyes feel a bit bulgy and my cheeks and nose feel a little bit sagging and stuffy. It feels like I've cried a lot. Watching ESB reminded me of the awe I had when I watched the star wars films, especially as I anticipated in the late 90s what the movies would be like when they came out during the 2000s. I suppose I was a little bit disappointed with the newer trilogy but I do think there are redeeming aspects to the new films. Palpatine's character is one of them.

I've found a little bit of nostalgia over the past day or so, part of it is a reminder of when I used to go to the gym in the mid 2000s  (gosh that long ago?!?) as an undergraduate. I felt anxiety and terrible fear with life and all sorts of things, I remembered this one time I went down Gloucester Road in Bristol, which I lived near, but I never traversed because I was afraid by unfamiliarity. One thing that has come up in counselling is the insight that fear and anxiety don't go away: its just how you deal with it that changes.

All the same, I'm glad I went out and did some excercise. I do feel kind of sore in various places, but not as sore compared to the first couple of workouts that I did. I hope this is a good investment! I also hope that I can afford to make ends meet. Typing up this blog post is taking a lot out of me at the moment. I am quite short of breath and my concentration isn't so good. I think i might even have an early night with all that activity. But I do have a lot to do.

p.s.

I've gone very far without realising that valentine's day has come up. I consider that as a victory. It doesn't depress me or make me feel a sense of pressure (peer, or self induced or family or otherwise) to find a girl. I do have a preponderance to snoop on social networking sites a lot looking at pretty girls though. Yeah I admit it, it's kinda shameful for a person who tries to be all so intellectual. This is a long p.s. --back to work.

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